Two Reminders

Just a quick reminder that there are only three days left to sign up for the giveaway!

And one more reminder... I found a quote that I wanted to share with you all just to kind of give an idea of why being a Home Maker (as a mother, wife, daughter... whatever role God has you in right now) is so important.
This quote is from Mary LaGrand Bouma in "The Creative Homemaker", but I found it in "God's Priceless Woman" by Wanda Kennedy Sanseri. (It's not a poem, so I'm not sure why it's in this format.)

"If we choose not to do this very special job [home making],
it will simply not get done;
the mothering, the nurturing, the comforting and caring
that fills the committed homemaker's day
will simply be lost,
and society will be impoverished.
Children will not get the spiritual guidance they need.
Lonely teenagers will not be listened to.
Many people with problems will not be ministered to,
many sick folk will go unvisited.
A special human quality will disappear from our culture.

Women can give up their jobs
as clerks, engineers, sales people, doctors-
other people will step in
and the world will go on as smoothly as before.
It will be business as usual.
The groceries will still be sold,
Trucks loaded with merchandise will still roll across our highways,
and Wall Street will carry on.

Not so with homemaking.
We are the special people into whose hands
the country and the world have been entrusted.
When we leave this job the world does not go on as before.
It falters and begins to lose it's way.
We homemakers are indispensable."

I thought that summarized pretty nicely the view that we should have of our lives and purpose. :-)

"Pure" Review and Giveaway

NOTICE: THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED AND IS NO LONGER OPEN FOR ENTRIES!!!

Yesterday I finished reading a book named "Pure" by Rebecca St. James. "Pure" is written as a 90-day devotional, but I couldn't wait the entire 90 days and read it in 30 instead. This book was written to help Christian girls get their lives in order. It is very helpful in the way that it walks you through some tough issues including forgiveness, fear, loneliness, thankfulness, sexual purity, a healthy body image, a submissive heart, love... and that's just the beginning! I found that God used it to shine a light on some things that I hadn't released to Him yet. Whether you think that you have everything together, you're struggling with where your life is going, or you feel like you can't go on anymore, this book will help you as it lovingly teaches through Scripture and personal experiences.

As much as I enjoyed "Pure", the fact that Rebecca St. James used the "Message" Bible paraphrase for most of her scripture readings took something away from the daily reading. The "Message" is not a translation, and therefore should not be quoted as scripture. I would definitely still read "Pure" (and I am planning to read it again), but if you look up the scriptures she quotes in your KJV (or NIV) I think that it will add greatly to the enjoyment and meaning of the book.

This book will be helpful to any Christian girl, whether she is homeschooled, public schooled, or private schooled. Because "Pure" is based on Scripture, it is relevant to all of our lives as it speaks about Purity of Mind, Purity of Body, and Purity of Spirit. The best thing about "Pure" is that even while it deals with some hard things, it reminds us that "We are valuable because we belong to the King" (Day 41 of "Pure").


Because I enjoyed this book so much, I have decided to host a "Pure" Giveaway (courtesy of Hachette book group).
In order to enter the drawing, here are the rules...

1. Please get permission from your parents before you enter this free drawing (This only applies if you are still part of your parents' household, if you no longer live with them you don't need their permission).

2. You must be a resident of the US or of Canada, (and you must have an address, no PO boxes).

3. Post the rules of the giveaway and link to this post on your blog. (If you do not have a blog please tell at least one person OUTSIDE of your family)

4. Leave me a comment telling me that you'd like to enter.


The drawing will end on October 31st (2008) at midnight (that's exactly three weeks from today). Please remember to visit when it ends to find out if you've won.

But you know what is the best thing about this giveaway? THERE WILL BE FIVE WINNERS!!!

So go ahead and post about it! This book really is worth it! :-)

Part One B: Learn to Listen

Now we're going to talk about listening and being teachable.
The last time I read Proverbs I noticed how often the word "Listen" is used. But the interesting thing is that the majority of the time it is used in the context of putting into practice. If we listen when our parents tell us that we need to clean up our books, and then we go away do something else, we weren't really listening.
Or if our parents tell us that we have a problem with anger, and instead of agreeing, praying that God would cleanse us of that, and then working on it, if we get angry that they DARE tell us that something is wrong with us... We're obviously not very teachable.
Proverbs 8:32 says “ Now therefore, listen to me, my children, For blessed are those who keep my ways." I'd say that it's pretty obvious that listening and doing go hand in hand.
But I think that we all know that we should be teachable. That when our parents tell us some character flaw that we have that we should listen to them and seek Jesus's help to correct that issue. But it can be really hard, and no matter how teachable we appear, we all go through times when we can still feel that little start of rebellion when the Holy Spirit or our parents show us something.
Being unteachable goes hand-in-hand with being insecure. If you find yourself getting overly upset about your parents talking to you about something you need to change, it might help if you prayed that God would give you security in who you are through Jesus.
I prayed for years that God would give me a teachable spirit, and do you know how He responded? By helping my parents to notice what I needed to work on!
"Practice makes perfect" is especially true for being teachable. If you are able to practice it on a day to day basis it will become easier and easier over time.

Now, how is being teachable going to help us to be good wives someday?
If we can learn not to be offended when our parents notice that we're not perfect or even when they prefer that we do something in a different way, than it will give us a head start on not being offended when our husband wants us to do something in a different way or points out something that we need to work on.
I have to confess that what bugs me the most is when someone tells me that I should do something a different way. Whether it's how I hold a pencil or how I sweep the kitchen, I can feel the annoyance pop up as soon as someone says that I'm doing it the wrong way or it would be better if I did it a different way.
Of course, that doesn't always bother me, but that is what annoys me the most often.
(Yeah, that pencil thing... it's amazing the silly little things that bother us, isn't it?!)

Obviously you're not going to marry someone that hates the way you do everything, so hopefully you won't have to seriously worry about changing your little odd habits, (like how you hold a pencil) but it's good to practice not getting annoyed or offended if someone does tease you about how you do something.
And if your Mom tells you that you need to hold the paintbrush differently because the walls are going to be all bumpy if you don't, you need to learn to change your ways without getting offended.

Ok, enough of all that... here are a few practical ideas of how you can practice being teachable.

1. Learn to talk to yourself silently... if you just learn to tell yourself to relax (And then do it), it will go a long way towards preventing your rebellious feelings.

2. Pray that God would give you a teachable heart. You're going to need it sooner or later (probably sooner).

3. Don't pick on others about little things that they do that annoy you, and if you see a character issue pray that God would show it too them, don't point it out yourself (unless someone asks you, or you are in a friendship where you have already agreed that you would help each other like that). Surprisingly, it will help you to be teachable if you learn not to be critical of others.

4. Ask your parents if there are any areas in your life that you particularly need to work on. This is great practice for being teachable.

5. If you can discipline yourself to read a little bit of the Bible everyday and to pray for a few minutes, it will make a huge difference in EVERY area of your life.

6. Interpret people in the best light possible. If someone has told you of a problem you have, assume that they are doing this to help you and only because they care about you. This is probably one of the hardest things because (especially with a peer or someone younger than you) it's easy to feel like they're just picking on you or that they don't like you. If it is a peer you are not under any obligation to change the way you hold that pencil, but you MUST be kind about it and forgive them if you need to.

7. Often when it is someone other than our parents that is pointing out things that they think we need to change we will have to forgive them whether there is or is not any truth in what they say. If you have been hurt in that way, don't pretend that it is ok, or say "Oh I'm just being stupid". If you pray and acknowledge that it was hurtful, and then forgive them it will help you learn to be teachable, and it might just save your friendship.

I hope that was clear, I have a cold and feel all muddled! If you have any practical ideas of how to learn to be teachable I'd love to hear them! :-)

Part One A: Learn to Listen

There are two types of listening that I will talk about, the first one is basically giving someone your attention, and the second has to to with being teachable.

Have you ever noticed how everyone wants to be listened to at one time or another? When someone is upset, often the best thing to do is to just sit down and listen to them (at least, that seems to work really well in our family).
In fact, if someone doesn't get listened to enough, it will cause them to feel anxious and depressed.
For a man, the best thing is to have a wife that really listens to him and vice versa. For a child, the best thing is to have their parents listen to them. And no one wants a friend that won't listen to them.
You never know who you have blessed just by listening to them (or who you may be able to bless by listening to them).
If you're naturally a more talkative person this may come a little harder for you, but it's worth while.
Of course, the best place to practice this is at home, since most of us older siblings have multiple opportunities to listen in the course of a day. We can't listen intently to every interruption because we'd never get any work done, but learn to pick and choose. The most important time to listen is when someone is having a hard day.
This will not only prepare you to be a good wife, it will help you be a good mother as well.
Here are a few ideas to help you learn to listen.

1. Make eye contact. When someone starts talking to you, turn around or put down your book and make eye contact. If you are doing something active, like making supper, you won't be able to look at them the whole time, but if you make eye contact every few minutes it will reassure the person that you are listening to them.

2. Listen to one person a day. Pick one person in your family (preferably a sibling) and choose a time of day that is less hectic than other times, go and find them and ask them how they're doing, how their day went etc. And don't listen to the first sentence and then start telling them how you're doing. This is your time to LISTEN.

3. If you are in the middle of school work, just stop what you are doing for about ten seconds and look at the person. After a little while say something like, "Hey, you know what? I have to finish my school work. But thanks for coming in and saying hi! Maybe you can tell me about your Legos later!" (Of course, I sometimes announce that I will be working hard on something for an hour and cannot be interrupted. That way if someone comes in you can just say "Tell me about it later, ok?" or make sure that your door is locked... Note: This rarely keeps interruptions from happening.)

4. If someone is having a crisis and they come to you, don't ask them to tell you about it later. Take 10 minutes and listen to them.

5. If your brother tells you about how excited he is about a new tree house that he's going to build, don't tell him all the reasons why it won't work. Instead listen and be excited with him. If it doesn't work, he'll find out for himself. (From what I hear, this is especially important when you are a wife... so practice now!)

6. People will be able to tell when you are not really listening. You know how exasperating and slightly embarressing it is when you are talking to someone and they get a glazed over look in their eyes as they look out the window while they nod and say "Uh huh, mmm, how interesting"? Don't do that to others!

7. If someone asks your advice, make sure that you know what you are giving advice about. That goes for giving your opinion as well. Remember Proverbs 18:13 "He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him."

8. Ask your Dad how work went today and really listen to his answer. When you get married your husband will want to talk about work with you so you should start learning to listen to work related talk now. :-)

So start listening to your siblings now! You might be surprised at what you didn't know about the members of your family.
Good listening skills are key to being a good wife, but they are also key in every other relationship you will ever have.

Preparing to be a Good Wife Introduction

I am going to start writing a series of posts about different skills and character traits that we will need to have to be a true 'Help-meet' to our future husband. I'm not saying that if you don't have all of these traits that you cannot be a good wife, but I am saying that they will be helpful.
I will be writing about what the skills and traits are and how we can practice them every day with our family (but especially our brothers and fathers).
This series of posts will include things like Learning to Listen, Learning to Show Respect, Learning to Request, Learning to be Modest, Learning to be a Friend, Learn to follow a Routine, and things like that.
If you have an idea of something that you think would be good to talk about that is not on the list, let me know and I will try to add it to the list. (I would especially like any input from Moms on subjects that should be covered.) Obviously I'm not promising to post about any subjects... but I would like suggestions that fit into the theme of preparing to be a good wife. :-)

Now you might be wondering why you should have to change, I mean, after all people should like you just the way you are, right?
Well, let's get something straight. I am not saying that you have to change your PERSONALITY. Your personality is the beautiful way that God has chosen to allow you to be unique and different from everyone else.
What I am saying is that even though we might feel (for example) love and respect for our Dads or brothers, we might need to change the way we show it.
Every personality has strengths and weaknesses, and we all have flaws that we need to work on in order to become more like Jesus. Hopefully this series of posts will help point you in the right direction while still allowing you to be yourself.

Legalistic

This is just a short post (I may say more about this subject later), but I think that it is something important that we need to keep in our minds as we follow Christ.

Here is the deal... It is soooo important that we follow the laws and principles given in the Bible. If we are Christians I believe that we will naturally want to follow God's law. The FRUIT of the Spirit is what will come when the Spirit is in us.
But I look around and I see that people take general principles from the Bible and turn them into specific rules that are very oppressive, and then they will treat people that don't follow their specific rules as if they are not Christians or are in rebellion against God.
It is nearly impossible to be friends with people that are insistent that the people they know must follow THEIR rules or else they're not acceptable or not Christians.
But what since we are following Jesus, and since He is the only One that is perfect, we must look at what He says in Matthew 11:28-30
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
When we come to Him because we are 'heavy laden', He doesn't heap on more and more weight. His burden is easy and His burden is light.

Please don't hear me saying that we don't need to follow the Bible. WE NEED TO FOLLOW THE LAWS OF GOD. But if we are weighting others down with OUR rules than that is a problem.

If you feel yourself weighted down, depressed, or feeling trapped, think about whether you are actually under the Lord's yoke or your own. Remember, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." (emphasis added)

So please think about it. If you have a friend that is under the oppression of man-made laws and rules, than pray for their release and show them the love of Christ. If you find that you have been being legalistic (I know, that is a very over-used word) than confess it to the Lord and pray that He will give you the joy and the love that is supposed to make us stand out from others. :-)

Shyness

Yes, today I'm going to talk about being 'shy'. I have noticed a disturbing trend among girls in their early to mid teens where they are either extremely bold, or they are painfully shy.
Before I begin I would like to say that I'm not talking about people who are naturally more quiet or more loud. It is only when a personality trait becomes rude that it is a problem.
Right now I'm going to be focusing on the 'Shy Trend' because that seems to be much more prevalent among Homeschoolers. There seems to be an idea that some people have that you have to be very quiet and shy in order to be a Christian. That obviously isn't true because when you read (anywhere in the New Testament) about Jesus, He wasn't shy at all. And He is the One that we are to be like as Christians.
There is nothing wrong with not being boisterous, but there's a big difference between being friendly and being boisterous.
Ok, first I'm going to give a little example of what shyness can look like...

Let's say that you go to church and you notice that there is a new family there with a girl about your age or younger that is standing by herself off to the side. You feel a little hesitant but you make the effort and walk over, give a friendly smile and say hi. Her face gets slightly red, but she gives a little smile and a very quiet hello before turning her head to look at the rest of the people. You feel a bit awkward, almost as if you're not welcome, but ask where she's from, and did she have to travel far to get here? After only getting a short sentence in reply you start to turn red yourself as you ask how many siblings she has, does she have any pets, does she like hiking etc. After carrying on a conversation by yourself for a couple of minutes you suffer through a long uncomfortable silence and then finally excuse yourself.

Has that ever happened to you? If it hasn't, let me tell you it's very very difficult to carry on a conversation when the other person only gives a curt one-syllable answer to any questions you are able to come up with.

Or maybe you would be the one standing quietly off in a corner feeling very out of place and awkward. If that would be the case, I have a couple of ideas of how to help you to 'come out of yourself' a little more so that anyone trying to be friendly doesn't feel rebuffed. :-)

1. Smile... a nice friendly smile can work wonders when you can't think of anything to say

2. Talk to your Mom and ask her to help you practice questions to ask and subjects to talk about. (A little tip here: if you can get someone to start talking about themselves you've won half the battle and will probably just have to listen for a while.)

3. Practice on safe people, say a friend that you know but you don't see very often, or even your Grandma or cousin. Practice makes a big difference in being a good conversationalist.

4. Stop thinking so much about what others think of you. If you are able to concentrate on being friendly instead of worrying why this or that person is looking at you, it will not only help you to win friends, it will help you to enjoy your life more. I know that it's no fun going around worrying what everyone thinks of you.

5. Branch out. Next time you are in company, look around and see if there is anyone that looks as shy as you feel and try to make them feel at home.

6. If you have invited someone to your home or to do something with you, make sure that you are willing to make an effort to talk to them because otherwise they will just feel like they are intruding. (My sister is really good at talking to people so sometimes I'll make sure that she's around if I can't think of something to say)


And if you are the person who is trying to be friendly to a shy person here are a few tips.

1. Always have a subject that you can chat about basically by yourself (i.e. your cat, what you have in your garden...) that way if you go up and talk to someone you can actually talk for a few minutes without feeling too out of place.

2. Sometimes shy people don't want to talk for a long time, but a friendly smile and "Welcome!" will make them feel more at ease and cared for. If you try to talk for too long they will be able to tell that it is a strain on you and they will just draw back into themselves more.

3. Don't take it personally if they don't respond right away. Sometimes a good way to get people to open up at a church dinner or something is to invite them to sit next to you. Sometimes people feel more at ease after they sit with you for a while. (Besides, when you're eating you don't have to talk as much)

4. Sometimes inviting the shy person to come stand with you in a little group (after introducing them to your friends) is a good idea because then you can just listen to everyone else talk. (In cases like this I usually invite my sister to come join us because she is really good at drawing people out of themselves.)

5. You never know how or when you can bless someone by being interested in them even if they don't appear to respond right away. I remember when I was younger and very shy I used to feel really happy when someone would just come up and say hi even if they didn't stay and chat.


Now, to all of the shy people out there... Go slow. Pray about it. It can be really hard to change the way you do things, but it is totally worth it! If you can learn to enjoy being in company not think about yourself it will really help. :-)

Does anyone that either is shy now or used to be shy have any other suggestions or tips?