Lily Among Thorns - Part 2

Okay, so now we know what a Lily looks like, and we know that is what we want, but HOW DO WE GET THERE FROM WHERE WE ARE??? Of course, God is the One who does the work in us and we wouldn't even be wanting to be closer to Him unless He had called us (1 John 4:19), but so often we feel the fire of passion for God growing in our spirit and we just don't know what to do with it. Thankfully, God has given us very clear instructions in the Bible about what He wants us to do when we feel Him calling us to a more fulfilled and God-centered life than we now have.
(Note: See the end of the post for some recommended tools in starting out on this new phase of your life.)
So what are we supposed to do after we have 'accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior'?

1."Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass. And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light and thy judgment as the noonday." Psalm 37:5-6 (Go and read all of Psalm 37, it's really amazing!)
Okay, so, how are we supposed to commit our way unto the Lord? PRAY!!!
As you start out on this brand new phase of your life, go into a quiet room all by yourself (the bathroom works good for this if you honestly can't find anywhere else), get down on your knees (yes, I'm serious), and pray out loud to the God of the Universe who is calling to your heart (if you pray quietly or in a whisper, that's okay too, but it is important that you say the words with your mouth as well as your heart).
Commit your life, job, relationships, health, anger, fear, talents, everything to your Father, and ask Him to direct your paths and to show you what to do next.
Ask Him to show you what is in your life that is tying you to this world, is an idol to you or is standing between you and Him.

2. "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life." Galations 6:7-8
As you begin to do this, God will show you what is that you are idolizing. What it is that you are escaping to when you should be going to Him. (Escaping might sound something like this: "Oh man, I'm so stressed out! I just need to shut my mind off for a little while. I think I'll go watch a movie... go on facebook... vent on my blog... listen to music... go shopping... have some chocolate...")
One good way to evaluate whether or not something is an idol is to ask yourself whether or not you could live without it. (I believe that Leslie Ludy has a whole section on this in her book "Set Apart Femininity" that was very helpful to me. I wish that I could quote her, but I don't have the book at the moment.)

3. "I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish." Galations 5:16-17
(It goes on to list what the works of the flesh are... very interesting. If you have a moment, make sure to go read Galations 5:13-26)
As God shows you what you are replacing Him with, GET RID OF IT!!! Let nothing stand against your pursuit of Him! And please realize that He might not be calling you to never ever have another piece of chocolate again, but perhaps if you go on a fast from it, you might have an easier time "sowing to the spirit and not the flesh".

4."Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints..." Ephesians 6:18
Take the time that is freed up by getting rid of your 'escape', and use it to read the Bible and pray. Make sure not to fill it up with something else. If you get stop watching movies but take that time to listen to music (yes, even Christian music), than you are missing the point. The whole point of any kind of fast in this context (whether of entertainment, food, or anything), is to deny the flesh and to free up more time to spend with God and find out what He is calling you to.
I'll give you a very quick example out of my own life. My parents go for a walk every evening and it takes them about 30-45 minutes. Now by this time my chores are all done and I am free to do whatever I want (within reason of course) ;-). This is a perfect opportunity to spend time in prayer. (Besides, I found that when I had a time limit like that, it made it so that I was not constantly looking at the clock or trying to 'hurry up and get it over with'.)
This is an exercise of your will and your spirit, and if you are not used to it this can be tiring, but it will be very rewarding if you use the time to pray according to God's will.

(One quick note on prayer: if you run out of things to pray for, try opening the Bible to a Scripture, say Ephesians 6:10-18 or Psalm 37, and praying through it. - ie "Dear Father, help me not to fret myself because of evildoers, and not to be envious against the workers of iniquity... Rather work in my heart that I may trust in You, and give me wisdom and strength from You to do good. Help me to delight myself in You, and let the desire of my heart be to be a good and faithful servant to You. Lord, I do commit my way unto you, and do choose to trust in you, please give me righteousness that shines like the light
Also, consider this quote: "There is a general kind of praying which fails for lack of precision. It is as if a regiment of soldiers should all fire off their guns anywhere. Possibly somebody would be killed, but the majority of the enemy would be missed." - Charles Spurgeon, The Metroplitan Tabernacle Pulpit)

5. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled." 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
As God shows you the strongholds in your life, go ahead and use the mighty weapons that He has given you (Ephesians 6:10-18) to pull down the strongholds, cast down the imaginations of your heart (for some young ladies sensual imaginings is a huge stumbling block) etc.

6. "Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”" 1 Peter 1:13-16
Continue to fight against the idols in your life by refreshing yourself through prayer.
Also see "The Physical Side of Mental Purity" "Compromises" "Crushes on Unavailable Men" "PTGW Part 8: Taking Care of Your Soul" "Questions About Crushes, Attention, and Other Stuff!" "A Joyful, Thankful Heart" and "Tips for Mental Purity" for some more in depth practical suggestions about some of the more common strongholds and stumbling blocks for young ladies.

7. "Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.”" Mark 12:29-31
Pray, pray, pray! Pray without ceasing! Pray for the strength of God in this time of growing in your life! Pray that He would make you into a woman after His own Heart! Pray specifically for the godly qualities you are lacking! You are going to need His help, for "...Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”" Matthew 19:26b


And now for the recommended tools that I promised!

1. "The Steps to Freedom" by Neil Anderson - this is a great tool for the start of your journey and can help you to identify the strongholds in your life and cast them down. I would highly recommend this to EVERYONE!!! (Don't get turned off by how small it is, it is a powerful tool because it uses the Truth of God's Word to identify and cast down strongholds.) Highly Recommended

2. "Praying God's Word: Breaking Free From Spiritual Strongholds" by Beth Moore - this is an excellent place to start praying God's word, and gives a little more concentrated help on the areas of weakness in your life. Recommended

3. "Get Out of That Pit: A 40-Day Devotional Journal" by Beth Moore - I have never read the original book, but this journal is very helpful for those struggling with depression. Recommended

4. "Set Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy - This book is one of the main ways that God called me to more than the mediocre Christianity I was living. Highly Recommended

5. "Wrestling Prayer" by Eric and Leslie Ludy - If you are looking for a step by step guide to becoming more than a mediocre Christian, this is an amazing and very challenging book to grow you in your faith and service to the Lord! Highly Recommended

6. "The Bible" the supernaturally inspired and perfect Word of God. Highly Highly Highly HIGHLY Recommended!!!!


And just one last word of encouragement... “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." Luke 11:9-10

(These verses in this post are just meant to get you started, please go ahead and read the full chapters and books that I have quoted from here and continue to seek God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. As usual, if you have any questions, or if you come across any other verses that you think would enhance this post, or would be a blessing to those reading it, please leave a comment.)

PTGW Part Nine: Learning to Have a Joyful Spirit

"Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!" 1 Chronicles 16:10
"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10b
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

Lately I have been realizing how important it is to enjoy your life, and to rejoice in the Lord. Now this does not mean that we have to ignore anything uncomfortable or bad that happens, or that we have to walk around with plastic smiles on our faces all the time. What is does mean is that we need to find our joy in the Lord, and not have it be dependent on silly things (like whether it is sunny or cloudy, whether someone in our family has a bad attitude or not, etc). Right now I'm not going to talk about big things that happen (like a death in the family, or a debilitating physical problem) or how to deal with them, but instead I will be concentrating on a few ideas of how we can encourage ourselves to enjoy life, in spite of the little annoyances that can so often steal our joy.
Now before I begin, let me say that out of all of the things that I have heard men say are attractive in a woman, the most common and prevalent thing by far is a joyful spirit. A genuine enjoyment of life in Jesus. A smile and a joyful attitude can make even a very plain woman extremely attractive and beautiful. And we need to start by blessing our families with a joyful spirit.
So here are a few ideas of how to get and keep a joyful attitude.

1. Pray that God would give you a Joyful Spirit. This is obviously the most important thing. Without His help, none of us are very nice to be around. ;-)

2. One idea is to make yourself something to remind you to be cheerful. I often find that when I am not cheerful, it is because I simply forget to work on it. (I know, "I forgot" is the worst excuse ever, but sometimes you really do forget, and it can be helpful just to be reminded.) One thing that I did was that I made up a little piece of paper that I kept in my pocket to remind me to have a joyful spirit. Believe it or not, it REALLY helped! Of course, most dresses don't have pockets, so you can make a bracelet or necklace or something instead.

3. Deal with little annoyances as they come up. Don't let things build up inside of you. One of the worst things in a wife or sister is the tendency to let little things build up, build up, build up and then suddenly explode in a yelling or screaming fit. But you can avoid this if you pray about things as they happen, forgive people as they hurt you, breathe deeply and release your tension. Remember and put into practice Philippians 4:6-7 (my favorite verses) "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

4. It is ok to pretend to be cheerful even if you don't always feel like it. Now this doesn't mean fake smile, thinly veiled annoyance... and it is not an excuse not to deal with things that are bothering you. What it does mean is that you should answer your mother cheerfully when she asks you to do something, even if you are growling inside (and then you should pray about that 'growly-ness'). It also means that you do not have to burden your family with every moment that you are 'out of sorts'. Just smile. Practice makes perfect. :-)

5. If you find yourself having a particularly hard time, take a moment to pray, breathe, and maybe make a little list of things that you are thankful for. (This can be especially helpful if you are having trouble with one particular person. Make a list of things you are thankful for about them... and then give it to them if you'd like! For example... my brother, who is nearest to the water jug at supper, cheerfully fills everyone's glasses all throughout supper without complaining. that is something I am really thankful for about him. My sister cleans and vacuumes every single day, and really blesses our family with a clean house. My other sister is always ready with a hug and a kiss if someone is having a hard day. She can spot a tear from a mile away and comes running to help that person feel better. Pray before you make the list, because when you are having a difficult time with someone, it is extremely easy to only see their faults, and there are plenty of faults if you look hard enough, and it takes Jesus to help you be able to see the beautiful ways that they bless you.)

6. Don't focus on the negative. My Mom says that there are always two ways to look at something. If there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, you can look and see how people never clean up after themselves, or you can thank God that you have food to eat and a family to share it with.

7. Go for a walk. This will help you get your blood flowing and help you feel awake and more cheerful.

8. Avoid or limit sugar... (I'm sorry, people say that I bring nutrition into everything, but it is true, what you eat really does effect you.) Sugar makes people irritable, and that is something we want to avoid. :-)

9. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. I am a firm believer in getting enough sleep for helping with an attitude that is not always the best.

10. Do fun things that you enjoy. Don't let yourself just work all the time (I am not a believer in 'I need me time', but I do think that doing fun things is a good idea). And don't fool yourself into thinking that if something is going to be fun it has to be big or expensive. Paint your nails with your little sister (or by yourself). Have a tea party. Dress up. Turn on some music and dance. Sing while you work. Brainstorm things that you like to do, make a list, and then DO THEM!!! :-)

11. Help someone else. I often find that nothing helps me more than doing something kind for someone else.

12. Read your bible. (Hey, and while you're at it, take a look in Proverbs and see how many times it talks about how Unattractive the Opposite of a joyful spirit is... for starters take a look at Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, and 27:15.) :-)

Well, I hope that this has been helpful to you. Remember, no one wants to be around someone who is crabby or irritated all the time. Being joyful will help you to have better friendships, relationships, and a better life. You will find that you enjoy life more, and that others enjoy you more.
As always, if anyone has anything to add to this, I would love to hear it! :-)

Crushes on Unavailable Men

"I know this sounds REALLY bad but what if the guy you have a crush on is married and was someone you once dated. What if you ask God to take the feelings away and they still don't go away???? Please help!!!

Worried,
Anonymous"

Dear Anonymous,
I know that it's easy to get freaked out when you have strong feelings and they just won't 'go away'. Believe it or not, at one point in time most young ladies will have a crush on someone who is unavailable. Whether he's courting, engaged, or married to someone else, it is hard to deal with feelings for someone that you know you shouldn't be having feelings for. Dating aggravates this problem as it encourages you to form attachments to people that, odds are, you won't spend the rest of your life with.
But the principles are the same no matter the situation or the circumstances.
Now, here are a few ideas for you, ok?

1. Whenever you get a thought about him, or warm fuzzies about him, or anything, pray. And don't just pray about him, because that will just continue to train your brain to think about him. Try something like this. "Lord, I know that So-and-so is married, but I still have a crush on him. Please take away those feelings and help me to reserve my heart for my future husband. I pray that You would prepare me to be a good wife someday, and help me to practice guarding my heart now in preparation for the day that I am married myself. I also pray for my grandma, please heal her arthritis because it is so hard on her not to be able to walk around. Please give me wisdom of how I can bless her and make things easier on her. Thank you, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen."

2. "Take every thought captive and make it obedient unto Christ." Don't allow yourself to daydream or anything. Here is one way that you can 'take every thought captive'. Picture your mind as an airport, and the thoughs as airplanes that are trying to land. When one comes zooming up that you don't want in your mind, send it off. For the first week (or probably month) you will probably have to do this over 100 times a day, but it does get easier and less frequent when you practice.

Well my dear, I hope that is helpful to you. Keep reading your Bible and training your mind to think of things the way Jesus would want you to. And don't worry about your crush too much, as long as you continue to pray about it, I'm sure that God will help you with it so gradually that you won't even notice it's gone. :-)

*hugs*
Joy

PTGW Part Eight A: Taking Care of Your Body

Don't give up on this post after just reading the title! I know that most of the time it is very discouraging to read anything about taking care of your body, whether it be losing weight or skin care or makeup or whatever. But I'm not going to present some impossible idea of how to change your appearance. Rather I'd like to give you a few realistic ideas of how to take care of your body.

Taking care of your body and your appearance is very important; it is part of being a good witness for Jesus Christ. That doesn't mean that you should spend three hours a day on your appearance, but it does mean that you should remember that even though God looks at your heart, people will see your appearance first. (But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 - yes, I know it's out of context, but it's still true)
God can work through everyone no matter how they look or smell or whatever, but if my dad gave me a beautiful dress to wear and I wore it every day and didn't wash it and it got all grey and dirty and I told everyone that my Dad had given it to me, well... that wouldn't make them think very well of my Dad, would it? "Oh my goodness! I'm sure glad I'm not his daughter! Look at what she wears... she doesn't even look clean!"
We should be so proud of being God's daughters that we want to give Him a 'good name' by looking like what we are... taken care of and loved very very much.

Also, when you get married your husband is going to want to be proud of your appearance. So start on good habits now so that when you get married you'll have a head start.

Now here are a few things that I'm NOT saying.

1. I'm NOT saying that you should lose weight

2. I'm NOT saying that you have to wear makeup

3. I'm NOT saying that you should obsess about how you look and constantly be running to the mirror

4. I'm NOT saying that you need to be self conscious if your clothes aren't brand-new

Ok? Now that we've gotten that straightened out... here are a few ideas of how to take care of your body.

1. Stay clean. This means taking a shower when you need it. Some people can get away with one a week and some people need one a day. A good way to tell if you need one is if you don't smell fresh or your hair feels stiff and greasy. Simply staying clean is an excellent place to start on having a good appearance.

2. Get dressed in the morning. Don't go to the grocery store in your pjs and slippers. Aside from modesty issues, is life as a Christian really so depressing that you can't bear to get ready for the day???

3. Do your hair. I know, it's basic, but it's important to have your hair look neat and tidy. Now I can't brush my hair when it's dry because it's so curly that it would just frizz and I'd end up looking something like Ronald MacDonald. ;-) But on days that I don't get my hair wet, I still smooth it and put it up in a bun.

4. Drink water. Drinking water can help you to have nice skin, give you energy, and help you not to smell bad when you 'perspire'.

5. Go for a walk or a bikeride OUTSIDE every day if you can. It doesn't have to be long, I like walking a quarter mile most days. This will get your blood flowing nicely, give you a chance to be peaceful (no listening to music), and help you be more energetic.

6. Make sure that your clothes are always clean, patched, and wrinkle-free. It doesn't matter if your clothes aren't new, you can look just as nice in 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) hand clothes as in brand-new clothes as long as they are pressed and clean.

7. Take care of your teeth. Now I'm not saying that you need to get braces, teeth whiteners, etc. But if you take care of your teeth (brushing and flossing every day) your teeth will look nice and you won't have to worry as much about bad breath.

8. Practice good posture. Stand up straight! You are proud of your Father, now walk like it!

9. Wear a Smile! That is a very important thing that you can do for your appearance. If you have a smile it won't matter if your teeth are crooked, your clothes old, or your hair is frizzy! Smiling is a very easy and simple way to look pretty and bless people.

10. Dress like a Lady. (I assume that no men are reading this, but if they are they should dress like Gentlemen, not Ladies.) ;-) Don't look as if you are ashamed of your gender. It is so refreshing to see a woman who isn't hiding under baggy pants and t-shirts and yet is not flaunting her body in mini-skirts and tight shirts.

11. Do the things that God tells us to in His Word. This is THE MOST important thing of all. If you live a clean life through Jesus, than others will have a 'good feeling' about you. I don't know why, but that seems to be the way it works. :-)

Now if you want to you can do other things like put on a little bit of makeup etc. But the most important thing is to be clean and neat, and to smile.
I don't know about you, but when I see someone who doesn't really take care of themselves I think "Oh dear, they must be quite unhappy with their life."
As Christians, we have been blessed with a Father who cares for us no matter what happens. Let's show the world how much we appreciate Him by taking care of His temple (our bodies).

"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Next time I'll be talking about taking care of your soul (which is infinitely more important than your body). As usual, I love getting comments (as long as they're polite). I have no idea if anyone reads my posts unless they comment.

One Lovely Blog Award

Thank you so much to Mrs. Dixon (who has a lovely blog herself) at http://trainingdaughtersteachingwives.com for the One Lovely Blog Award!

I just love this graphic... the teacup is so pretty!

Here are the rules:
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

Ok, well, I don't know if I can come up with 15 newly discovered blogs, so I'll just pick a few.*

Amanda at amandabethonline.blogspot.com - I love her fun fashion reviews and suggestions

Miss Amy and Miss Olivia Joy at http://teatimewithamy.blogspot.com/ - Even though they only update once in a while, their blog is a pleasure to read and to look at and they have some really neat ideas and recipes for Tea

HannahBeth at www.homeschoolblogger.com/maideninwaiting - I enjoyed seeing her entries for AmandaBeth's fashion week, and I just love seeing all the pictures she puts up of her family.

Well, I'm going to stick with three, even though I have found so many wonderful blogs over the past couple of years. Why don't you go and check out their blogs and maybe leave them a comment? I'm sure they'd love to hear from you!
My sister and I are struggling with sickness so I shall go inform the authors of the lovely blogs that they have been awarded, and then go rest for a while.


*Just because their name appears in this post does not mean that I necessarily agree with everything on their blog. It does mean that I think their blog is lovely and I enjoy reading it.

Questions About Crushes, Attention, and Other Stuff!

Today I have decided to take some time and answer some questions that I have been getting. I apologize for taking so long to respond... you can read about our trip to CA on my www.homeschoolblogger.com/Liveforeternity blog.

Alrighty, here is the first comment that I'm going to reply to (I've edited it somewhat so that it only contains what I'm going to respond to). The comments will be in red, and my replies in blue.

"I've always told myself I wouldn't date until I was at least 17, my parents had no influence on it whatsoever, that's just the peg I put in place for myself. I don't necessarily think I will marry the first person I date (although my sister is happily married to her boyfriend from her senior year in high school) so it's not like once I'm 17 I think I'm going to be seriously dating...
but leading up to, I have a very good friend that we have talked about dating when I'm ready, not in a "I'm so in love with you!" way, but we both have feelings and have been friends for a while. We hang out occasionally, but if we're the only ones, it's somewhere public or at my house where my parents are there to supervise.
Is this not of God because I'm not of a 'marrying age'? I've been trying not to think about him as much, because I know it can be a distraction from God, but if I have the intent of doing what God wants me to do, and doesn't get physical or anything... is it wrong to have a crush on this boy?
Oh, and I forgot to add, I will be 17 in about half a year."

Hello! You have asked some very good questions! I am going to do my best to answer them, but first of all, here are some questions that I want you to pray and study about.

1. What do you think is the purpose of dating? Is it to find a spouse or is it more 'recreational' (since you don't expect to marry the first person you date)?

2. Is this friend a godly young man according to scripture?

3. What is the 'marrying age' according to you?

4. Is the expectation of someday dating him clouding your judgement of his character? What do your parents (more importantly your father) think of this young man?

Ok, that was your homework (and I'm going to give you some more in a minute). ;-) Now I'm going to try to answer your questions.

So, you have a very good friend that is a young man, and you have talked about dating when you are ready. Your question is "is this not of God because I'm not of a 'marrying age'?" Well, obviously I can not tell you what God's plan is for your life, but let's think about it for a moment ok? You are 16, and you are not planning on beginning to look for a life partner until you are at least 17. I don't think that it is wrong for you to have a crush on this young man, in fact I think it is perfectly normal and I would be surprised if you did not have a crush on a young man who is willing to pay attention to you. In this situation, I would say that you should stop trying NOT to think about him. Instead, I want you to go through Scripture (or even just Proverbs) and come up with a list of, say, 20 characteristics of a godly man (doing a word study on 'righteous' is a good place to start in Proverbs). Then, when you have the list, I want you to think objectively about this young man and evaluate him according to your list.

This is a good way to deal with any crush you might have. If he is a godly young man according to Scripture, than you may want to consider dating/courting when you are old enough. If not, than you can save yourself a big heart ache by recognizing the fact now instead of later.

I hope that helped, if you have any more questions, or if you want me to clarify something let me know. :-)

Ok, the next question is one that a lot of us have struggled with in the past (or still do struggle with).

"Dear Joy,

How can I stop thinking about making myself sexually attractive for boys? I HATE these thoughts!
and about doing stuff to get his attention?"

Dear friend,
I believe that at some point every young lady struggles with this, so know that you are not alone. The way you are feeling is normal, and can be used to God's glory someday when you are married.
However, I know that living with these thoughts and desires can be really miserable and unhealthy. Before I give you some ideas of what you can do, I want to explain something to you.
When someone learns something new, let's say how to play an instrument, their brain actually develops new 'pathways'. The more they concentrate on playing or thinking about this specific instrument, the more defined and easy to travel these 'pathways' become. If they were to stop playing the instrument and move on to something different, the pathway would become smaller and harder for your mind to find. That is why when I take a break from playing the piano, I cannot sit down after a year and play just as well as I used to be able to.
Right now, your brain has a very wide and easy to travel pathway about being sexually attractive and getting attention, so that your mind will automatically go down that road when you are not specifically thinking of something else.
This means that you have trained your mind (not purposely, but it is trained nevertheless) to think along these lines, and to always be open to an opportunity to be more attractive or get attention.
What you need to do now is to re-train your mind. Your goal should be to make a different pathway the one that your mind goes down automatically, and make the 'attractive/attention' pathway smaller and harder to access.
Ok, now that I have explained that, I am going to give you a couple of ideas on how to do that.

1. Cut out things that make you feel especially 'sexy'. Start noticing what makes you feel this way. You might be surprised by what you notice. It could be anything from movies and music to clothes, makeup, and hair-styles. When you notice something, just take a break from it for a while.

2. Start reading your Bible more often, and training your mind to see things through your 'Bible pathways' instead of through your 'sexy pathways'. I like to read at least one chapter in the morning before I start my day, and at night right before bed. That way it helps me carry it through my day.

3. Listen to some Bible songs (Hide 'Em In Your Heart songs are a really good choice). Then, instead of finding yourself humming a song that is really not helpful to your mental purity, you will find yourself singing "I have hidden Your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You."

4. When you find yourself thinking of how to get someone's attention, or how to be more attractive to him, pray. Picture your mind as an airport, and the thoughts as airplanes trying to land. When one comes that you don't want in your mind, send it off. For the first week (or probably month) you will probably have to do this over 100 times a day, but it does get easier and less frequent when you practice.

5. Don't be too freaked out about it. When you start getting frantic and saying "I'm not going to think about this! I'm NOT going to think about this!", guess what your mind will start thinking about?!

6. Sometimes talking to someone, like your mom or another woman that you can trust to give you godly advice, can really help even though it will be embarrassing and hard at first.

And last of all, don't punish yourself when you do mess up or something. Jesus died to set you free. He has already taken the punishment for sin, and He has broken the bondage to sin that you were in.
I hope this helped you, if you need me to clarify anything or if you have any more questions please don't hesitate to ask! :-)

Ok, I think that's about all for now. As always, if you have any thoughts that you'd like to share, just leave a comment! :-) (And don't forget to vote on the new poll!)

PTGW Part Five: Learn to be a Friend

To Mr. D Hamlin: Thank you for your comment. My father would be very happy to help if he can. Please e-mail him at nhpatterson (at) charter (dot) net.
Thanks! :-)

Everyone wants to have at least one friend that truly understands and loves them, don't they? But, for the most part, friends don't last forever. You may always like each other, but eventually you will get to a point when you actually have to 'catch up' with each other. That is why, in addition to having friends, you should invest in the friendships that you have in your family. And why you should marry someone who is a friend and knows how to be a friend. (And of course, you will want to be a friend to who ever you marry, hence the reason for this post.)
Simply interacting with people does not make you a friend. I have many acquaintances, but only a few friends.

Proverbs 18:24 says this, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Obviously, Jesus is the ultimate example of a Friend. Let's look at some scripture verses about friends and relationships.
If we can put even one of these verses into practice we will be able to be a Godly friend.

1. Of course, one of my favorite verses is Matthew 22:36-40 “ 'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?' ” Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Have you ever noticed how we can be so polite and kind to strangers, but so rude and nasty to our family and loved ones? If we just put this one thing, "love your neighbor as yourself", into practice we will be able to be a good friend.
Something that I would like to point out is that the first commandment Jesus mentions is "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind". If our life is not centered on pleasing God, and if our friendships are not based on Jesus Christ, than we are going to fail in our attempts to be a friend.

2. John 15:12-14 says, "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you."
Jesus has commanded us to love one another as He loved us. While I may be willing to die for my friends, am I willing to lay down my selfish desires? Am I willing to give up my way? Will I stop in the middle of a project to change a diaper or feed my family?

3. In Psalm 15, David asks the question "LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?" Do you know what one of the answers was? "He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend."
Backbiting, or gossiping, is a sin. Did you know that? "Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend." In other words, don't take offense. We need to remember to be "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:19a-20). Because friends, family members, and strangers, are all going to hurt us sometimes. If we take a moment and calm ourselves before we say anything, it will make a huge difference in our relationships.

4. Philippians 2:14-15 says this, "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world".
If we can stop ourselves from saying all of the bad things that we can think of, or even stop that little sigh when Mom asks us to wash some dishes, it will help us to be "blameless and harmless, children of God".

5. 1 Thessalonians 5:11a tells us, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up". No one wants to be friends with someone who is always being discouraging or complaining, but simply not complaining isn't enough. We need to ENCOURAGE one another!

6. Pray for your friends. If you see something in their life that is not honoring to God, pray about it. When you get married someday, your husband will not want you to be coming to him all the time with a righteous look on your face saying "Darling, I really don't think that it is honoring to God that you watch sports on Sunday night". No. Change yourself first. And pray that God would show your husband (or father, it's good practice for the day you do have a husband) if it truly is sinful to watch TV on the Lord's Day, because you might be mistaken.
Of course, if he was doing something that was really sinful, like murdering people, you would have to call the police and turn him in.

7. Do not expect your friends to fulfill your needs. Even when you are in a marriage relationship you will sometimes feel lonely. It is important that you not become dependent on a person for your spiritual and emotional needs. If you do, you will become disappointed and bitter.

8. Reading your Bible every day will help you to keep your whole life and all of your relationships pleasing to God (You don't have to get up at 5:00 AM to read your Bible, and it doesn't have to be for an hour, do what you can and you will find that even a little bit can bless you and the people around you).


Now, none of the things that I have mentioned can be done in your own strength. You need to pray that God would work them in you, and maybe ask your parents or prayer partner to pray for you as well. But that doesn't mean that you should not work at it, pray for God's help and then try but don't get discouraged when you fail, just try again.

I would suggest going over the verses I have mentioned and reading them in context, or looking up verses that apply to relationships yourself. (I love to read through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation... there is such a wealth of wisdom in every book about relationships.)And when you have read what the Bible says about relationships, I challenge you to do make a list of the qualities that a godly friend would have. Then set out to become that friend. (This can help you to put the principles into practice.)

Miss Amanda writes a column for Growing in Grace Magazine about Friends... make sure to check it out.

PTGW Part Four: Learning To Cook (Healthfully)

Proverbs 31:15 says "She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household"
Of course, Proverbs 31 is a guideline for what a man should look for in a wife, not a list of what it means to be a godly woman. However, it does give us girls a pretty good idea of some of the practical and useful skills needed to run a home well.
Today I'm going to be focusing on the very practical and needed skill of cooking healthfully. (And, really, eating is one of the most basic needs of every human, so whether you learn to cook or not, someday you will have to feed your children and you can either keep them healthy or give them quick and easy garbage.)
I know that there are a lot of people who believe that there is one all perfect diet, whether it is the south beach diet, the 'why Christians get sick' diet, or the average American diet. I believe that we should stay as close as we can to "God's diet" that He gave us in Leviticus and other places. Aside from religious reasons, there are very good, scientifically proven reasons to follow His food laws.
So the best thing would be to completely avoid things like white flour, sugar, ham, and stuff like that, right? (That is a rhetorical question, don't bother answering it)
But are most of us going to be able (or willing) to do the best thing all the time? No. We are going to want our chocolate-covered-cherries, cheesecake, pizza, bacon, pepperoni, etc. (at least once in a while)
But you know what? That's ok. It's alright to have a treat once in a while. We just shouldn't have our regular diet be freezer pizza and milky-way bars. So we need to find a good healthy balance between the best and what we can actually do.
The first thing, of course, is to learn how to cook. If you don't know anything about cooking, you can either get a home economics course (like one that we have from Christian Light Education called "Cooking, Sewing, and More..."), or you can ask your Mom or some other lady to teach you to cook.
Of course, each family has to decide for themselves what is the right balance for them, but here are a couple of good basic ideas.

1. Cut down the white flour. If you can't handle the taste of whole wheat, do half and half or something and then work your way up to using all whole wheat. And if you have a hard time with the bitter taste of whole wheat, than look for "White whole wheat" which is simply made from a golden wheat instead of a red wheat and has less of a bitter taste.

2. Instead of having dessert every night, have it once a week. (The rest of the time you can make yummy treats like German Apple Pancake with no sugar... you'd be surprised how good it can taste with no sugar) Or if you need to have dessert every day make something like Whole Wheat Ginger Snaps (simply use whole wheat flour... you won't be able to tell the difference).

3. Try to have more than one vegetable a day. We usually have something like baby carrots (quick and easy! Just wash them and they're ready) and broccoli or spinach.

4. Don't have ginger ale or sprite or any other soda for that matter. Just don't have it. Instead go to your healthfood store and look for a healthy alternative (around here we have "spritzers" and "izzies" which are made with fruit juice and sparkling water instead of sugar syrup).

5. Fruit makes a very appealing alternative to a candy bar as a midmorning snack.

6. Try to avoid processed foods. A good guide is that if you can't read the ingredients, just don't eat it.

7. NEVER eat artificial sweeteners. Things like Aspartame not only prevent you from losing weight (contrary to what we have heard about 'diet' sodas and stuff that are sweetened with it), but they also have been linked to memory loss and Alzheimer's. If you do not want to use regular white sugar, try something like Sucanat, Stevia, Honey, or maple syrup.

So that's a good start. But don't take my word for all of this, go look it up for yourself. Just make sure that what you are reading is based on facts, not on opinions.
Now, what if your father or husband still wants his white bread and brownies? Well, God has put you under the man that He wants you under, and you have to honor and obey that man. But as long as he approves, there is nothing wrong with feeding the children whole-wheat bread during the day when he is not home wanting white bread. :-)

At least for now I do not eat sugar or white flour (I haven't for six months) because of my health. It wasn't until I went off of sugar that my health truly started improving. Our family cooks with all whole wheat flour (not the red whole wheat, we don't like that bitter taste), and we use Sucanat (sugar cane natural) or honey in our baking.

Ok, well, I guess that's about it for now. Have a good day! :-)

(If you are interested in organic food, but don't have enough money to buy all organic, Amanda Dixon did a really good post a while back and I thought it was very helpful.)

PTGW Part Three B: Brothers

Yes, the last post was on brothers in Christ, and this one is on brothers. Of course, provided that your brother is a Christian too, he is not only your biological brother, he is your brother in Christ just like any other man. But as his biological sister (and as you live in the same household with him), you should know that you can 'make or break' your brother. And you should be careful because the way you treat your brother is often the way that you will treat your future husband (at least, judging from my observations of married couples that seems to be the case).
The "Golden Rule" (Matthew 7:12) is an excellent place to begin for any relationship. You don't want your siblings to be rude to you, do you? Or call you names? Or laugh at you? Or take your things? Or order you around? Well then, start with not doing that to them.
Here are a few particular things that we need to make sure to avoid as sisters.

1. Never call him a sissy or a girly-boy or anything like that. In most cases boys will let you know that it hurts them (i.e. they will yell at you or stomp off), but some boys simply laugh it off or just get a little red and shrug (especially if there is company present). Even if they don't react, this is a very serious thing that will and does hurt them. You don't want your brother to grow up to be a great big over-grown boy, do you? You want him to grow up to be a real man (at least I hope you do). Well, start off by not treating him like a sissy.

2. Don't laugh or scoff at his plans. Even if they involve making a real boat out of tin foil and hoping that it will float with him in it next year.


3. Let your parents be the 'bad guys'. Unless you are the one in charge, or your brother is seriously endangering himself or another person, let your parents tell him to stop sticking his fingers in that tempting soft wax on the top of the candle. If you become 'motherly' about that, it's just bossing him because you aren't his mother. (And if your mother does not tell him to stop, leave the room if it really bothers you. *or you can whisper to your mom, just don't make it look like you are tattling because that builds resentment*) Remember: you are not the police. You are his sister, someone who is supposed to encourage, not discourage or boss.

4. If he starts to tell you that he is having a really hard day, don't tell him not to complain or role your eyes and tell him not to be a baby. He shouldn't complain, but I know that sometimes I need to get a little comfort if I am having a bad day and really feel rotten about myself and everyone else. Nothing makes a person feel less loved than when you won't listen to them.

5. Act respectfully to your brother (and everyone else in your family for that matter). Now I know that this is an odd thing to say or do, especially if your brother is younger than you (like mine is). If you don't know how to respect him, than start by simply treating him with the same courtesy you would show a stranger. If you had a guest over and they told you of this great idea they had, would you smirk and say how stupid it was? Well I hope not! And I sure hope that you wouldn't do that to your brother (or sister for that matter) either.

6. Try to think of something good about him. This might be a challenge at first. A couple of years ago, I was having a very hard time with my siblings and decided that I would make a list of 10 things that I liked about each of them (for me that was 3 lists of 10 since I have 3 siblings). It took me an extremely long time, but it was worth it and it helped me to see them as people and to focus on their good points. It doesn't have to be anything personal. The first thing I thought of for my brother was that he is good at building things, from Legos to tree houses. The next thing that came to mind was that when I was upset he would come and give me a hug (he was only 5 or 6 at the time, but he still does it even to this day). So wrack your mind and come up with something, at least 2 things, good about each of your siblings.

7. Pray for him... pray for all of your siblings, making sure to give thanks for something about them. This is what a sister is for!

Well, that is just the beginning, but I hope that it made sense and was helpful. :-) As always, if you have any other tips just leave them in the comment section (and remember to read in the comments to see any tips left by other girls).

Oh yes, and by the way, Hannah L. brought up a very important point that I forgot...

8. Allow your brother to open doors or carry things for you... My relationship with my brother improved dramatically when I started appreciating his efforts to help in that way. It is interesting to me how cut down he felt when I would just jump out of the car and run to the door instead of waiting for him to get me an umbrella.

PTGW Part Three A: Brothers in Christ

How you treat your brothers in Christ is important, whether you are married or not. Right now I want to just focus on friendships with guys.
Being friends with guys can help you to see them less as a potential husband and more as a person. At least, for a while. Then suddenly the attention that you get as his friend starts making you think that maybe you just might be just a little bit more than a friend to him. You start to want a closer friendship and when it gets closer (as it almost always does), you can't seem to stop thinking about it. You think about him all the time, wondering if he notices you. Suddenly you have a full fledged crush on your hands (yes, I know all about it, I had this happen when I was twelve). (I wrote a post about crushes if you are interested in reading it.)
But it is possible to have a casually friendly friendship with a boy without getting a serious crush on him (and, yes, I know from experience that this is possible). However, it does take some self discipline. Here are a few rules that I came up with for myself, some of them are based on my own experience, and some on the experiences of my (female) friends.

1. Never let the friendship get beyond a casual acquaintance. No telling secrets, and no making him your best friend.

2. No letting him tell you secrets. If he begins to do that, the red light should go on and you should kindly stop him. (Sometimes you can say something like "Thank you for your confidence, but I have a very open relationship with my parents, so please do not tell me anything that you do not want them to know." or if it is in an e-mail, you can remind him that your little sister reads your e-mails and so if he does not want her to know something he shouldn't tell you.)

3. Do not ever sit next to him and look into his eyes... this just doesn't do either of you any favors.

4. If you are upset about something or are insecure about something, do not tell him. Go to your parents instead.

5. If you aren't sure if you should say something, imagine telling your boy cousins... (Of course, most of the time, if you aren't sure that you should say something it means that you definitely shouldn't.)

6. Do not ever 'day dream'. No thinking about what your children would look like if he were their father (green eyes, blue eyes, brown eyes), no imagining yourself in danger and then imagining him coming and rescuing you (this one is important, a lot of young ladies have perfectly innocent friendships that suddenly turn romantic when they pretend that they were rescued or whatever). If you find yourself day dreaming get up and start doing some math, really hard math (No sewing or knitting, it is too uninteresting). ;-)

7. Even if your family is the huggy type, no hugging every week. Quick 'side hugs' are ok if it's someone's birthday. (But now that I think of it, the only hugs I give out are to my relatives, young ladies that I am friends with, and people that I only see once a year.)

8. Never fish for compliments by asking how you look or saying that you think you are ugly (that should go without saying, but I think that it is important to be reminded of).
With all of these rules you might wonder if it is even worth while to try being friends with boys at all. It is definitely worth it, and if you kind of are friends with the whole family and not just one person it makes everything a lot easier.
By now you might be wondering why this is important for preparing to be a good wife. If you are going to be a good wife shouldn't you be friends with boys? I mean, after all, how are they going to know if they like you if you aren't (close) friends with them?
Of course it is good to be (casual) friends with boys (especially in a family setting), and in some cases guys do decide to marry someone in their circle of friends at church. But this is where trusting God comes in. If God wants you to marry someone, it will happen. YOU CAN NEVER MARRY THE WRONG PERSON!!! You might end up with the right person after having done things the wrong way, but never the wrong person. And guess what? It isn't up to you to get emotionally close to boys just to see if they are the right one; that is a dating mentality.
You need to protect your purity, not just physical, but emotional and mental as well. If you have to compromise your emotional purity to 'get the guy', he's not worth it. You want someone that will be thankful that you are committed to keeping yourself pure, not someone that just wants to get the short term enjoyment of emotional closeness.
Also, if you get in the habit of getting close to one boy, and then growing apart and getting close to another boy and then growing apart (even if you have been friends for several years), it is not going to change after you get married. Oh sure, you will be close to your husband for a while, but then you will go through a time of disillusionment and suddenly you will see someone that understands you and if you aren't careful you could end up having an emotional affair with someone.

Now, some ways that you can tell if your friendship is getting too close. (Obviously I am not a guy, so I don't know exactly what these things would mean to a guy, but I do know that in a friendship they are a bad sign.)

1. If he starts telling you secrets (I know I already said this, but it bears saying again), you are getting too close.

2. If he wants to give you a hug every time you say goodbye, your friendship is too close.


3. If he starts e-mailing you every day or wanting to talk to you on the phone (phone is a big no-no... It's too easy to get close when you don't have to look at the person)


Ok, I'm sure that there are more but my mind is going blank. Now I'm going to give you a list of things that are fine in most cases.

1. Chatting (not online), or rather light hearted conversation is fine. Debating points is fine as long as it doesn't get personal.

2. E-mailing, now some families have different rules, but for me I decided that e-mails are alright as long as they're not every day and they're not too personal.

3. Being interested in what the other person is talking about (this is just common politeness as long as you're not hanging on every word).

4. Enjoying physical activities, such as freeze tag with the two families, can be fine. (But no playing "Sardines" or "Telephone Booth".) ;-)


Miss Jocelyn had a letter in her weekly section that said this.
"Dear Jocelyn,

I have a best friend who is a guy. He really likes to talk to me and is
very open with me, treats me really nice too. I’m glad that I can be a good
friend to him and encourage him in his walk with the Lord. The hard part is
knowing if the Lord will eventually make us more than “just friends.” I
know it’s all up to God and his timing but I wonder sometimes. Is this “the
one” or is there someone else? I know the best thing is just be a true friend to him but sometimes it’s hard!

He will be leaving soon to go to a cooking academy in South Africa and I’m
trying to act like that’s fine but inside I don’t want him to leave. What
do you think I should do? I know praying but anything else that might help?

Please keep me in your prayers"

Now, obviously, there is nothing wrong with this young lady. She is simply caught in the dilemma that faces every young lady that has a nice guy friend that treats her kindly and wants to talk to her. However, there are a few red flags that I saw in this letter and I'm going to show you a few of them...

1. "A best friend", you should never have a best friend that is a guy

2. "He really likes to talk to me and is very open with me". There is nothing wrong with talking, but being 'very open' doesn't sound good.

3. "I'm glad that I can be a good friend to him and encourage him in his walk with the Lord", yes it is good to encourage each other, but this should not be her job. This is for his parents and guy friends to do for him. This leads to too much closeness

4. "Is this 'the one' or is there someone else? I know the best thing is just be a true friend to him but sometimes it’s hard!" Don't try to be a true friend if you are wondering if he is one or is there someone else. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be friends, but a 'true friend' implies too much closeness. Back of a little on the friendship if it is getting too close.

5. "He will be leaving soon to go to a cooking academy in South Africa and I’m trying to act like that’s fine but inside I don’t want him to leave." This is perfectly normal; everyone hates it when people go away. But be careful that you don't start obsessing about him going away and making it up in your head that if he does go away you will never get married to him. (Well, maybe you won't, but that might mean that it is part of God's plan to take away your dependence on this boy and move it to God.)

The thing that I think is the most difficult for us is to depend on God instead of on man (literally). As women we want to be rescued, we want to be close to a man, we want him to desire us, we want his attention. And if we are not careful, we can end up in the position of never being able to be content where we are because we are always longing for something that we don't have. But I want to tell you something very important. No man on earth can fill that hole in our hearts. Oh sure, we might think that it is gone for a while, but after a little while suddenly it'll pop up again and we'll have to face the fact that this man is not a savior.
But if we can learn to allow God to fill that ache in our hearts, than when He does give us a husband we won't be devastated and think that we've married the wrong man if he can't fill that gap sometimes.

Hmm, I think that's about all I have to say for now. This was quite a long post, I hope it was clear!

Now, I want you to pray about your friendships with guys, and ask God if they are honoring to him, and if they're not then just back off a notch or two and bring it down to a more casual level. Also, look around at your friends (not to judge them) and pray for them and their friendships.

And lastly, pray that God would help you to be dependent on him and not on anyone else.

I hope that this was helpful, I'm always interested in what thoughts you have, so leave comments! :-) (And don't forget to check the comment section; often others will bring up very helpful and important points that I have forgotten.)

PTGW Part Two: Learn to Show Respect

Did you know that having respect for your husband and showing it is one of the most important and loving things that a wife can do? Unless he feels that you respect him, he won't feel that you love him. Now, obviously, I haven't had much experience with this in my own life, right? But that's what I've read and heard numerous places, and while I haven't had a chance to try it out on a husband of my own, I have learned that showing respect to the men in my life (especially my dad, but also my brother, uncle, and grandfather) makes a world of difference.
One thing that we should get straight though, is that while you should show respect to the men in your life, you do not have to obey them all. The only men that you will ever have to obey are your father and someday your husband. (Of course, if they ever told you to do something evil like murder someone you couldn't do it... but that's a different topic.) But respect, when shown correctly, can make any relationship you have better.
A while back I posted some ideas on how you can be treated with respect, so I'm not going to bother talking about that again, I'm just going to give some tips and hints of how to treat your Dad, brother, and someday husband, with respect. (If any of the ladies with more experience in this area have any ideas go ahead and put them in the comment section, I'd appreciate it!)

1. Listen when they talk. Pay attention. (I told you that the different posts were going to overlap!) This, more than anything, seems to communicate respect to my Dad, brother, grandfather, etc.

2. Don't correct silly little mistakes. If they say it was on Monday that you saw an eagle, when it was actually Wednesday, does it really matter?

3. When you ask where they would like you to put something, don't put it somewhere else if you think of a better place. (Of course, you can ask if they mind if you put it somewhere else, but don't just say "No, this place is better")

4. Don't ever roll your eyes when he is talking.

5. Don't participate if other women or girls are making fun of their male family members.

6. Don't make him out to be worse than he is. We all have a tendency to exaggerate (illustrated in this sentence by me saying "We all"), but don't exaggerate his faults.

7. Don't tell the world about your problems with him. If you're having trouble and you really need to talk about it, choose someone you know can be trusted (I will often talk to my Mom if some guy in our family is driving me crazy) and will give you good advice or help you see that it's actually YOU that has the problem, not him. Anyone would be hurt if they found that someone was complaining about them to everyone, this is just common courtesy.

8. If you're having trouble communicating respect, ASK the poor guy if there is something specific that you're doing that is disrespectful. (But be prepared to humbly accept anything he says.) Then try to change what is causing the problem.

9. Pray for him, don't tell him his problems, ask God to convict him. Your dad is not going to appreciate it if you tell him that he always leaves his slippers in the middle of the floor. He is the king of the house. But if it truly is bothering you, pray and ask God to either change him or change your attitude about the problem.

10. Don't try to change him. God made him to be the loudmouth, or the quiet thinker, or the motivated doer that he is, and that is how he can bring glory to God. So don't change him, change the way you look at him. (This also can release you of the huge burden you might feel when you think of yourself as responsible for his actions. You are NOT responsible when he says something you don't think is appropriate to the situation.)

The bottom line in any relationship (excluding parent/child) is that, for the most part, we should change ourselves, not the other person.
If we put God first in our life, others second, and us last, we will have the right order.
(A quick note to the older girls: remember, respect is one of the most attractive qualities in a prospective wife. So practice on your father, brother, and other men in your life so that you'll be really good at it by the time someone special notices you!) ;-)
Any thoughts? (Don't forget to check the comment section to see what people have to say!)

The Winners!

Yes, I wrote down all the names on tiny pieces of paper (all the same size), threw them into the hat, and then had my younger sisters and brother pick out five winners.
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the winners are (in the order picked):

Margaret (comment 18)
Jane (comment 20)
Lindsey (comment 10)
Janna (comment 6)
Darby Maeve (comment 15)

If the winning ladies would please e-mail me their addresses that would be great! (If I do not hear from you in two weeks I will pick a different name and you will not receive a book.)

Thank you to everyone that participated! :-)

Two Reminders

Just a quick reminder that there are only three days left to sign up for the giveaway!

And one more reminder... I found a quote that I wanted to share with you all just to kind of give an idea of why being a Home Maker (as a mother, wife, daughter... whatever role God has you in right now) is so important.
This quote is from Mary LaGrand Bouma in "The Creative Homemaker", but I found it in "God's Priceless Woman" by Wanda Kennedy Sanseri. (It's not a poem, so I'm not sure why it's in this format.)

"If we choose not to do this very special job [home making],
it will simply not get done;
the mothering, the nurturing, the comforting and caring
that fills the committed homemaker's day
will simply be lost,
and society will be impoverished.
Children will not get the spiritual guidance they need.
Lonely teenagers will not be listened to.
Many people with problems will not be ministered to,
many sick folk will go unvisited.
A special human quality will disappear from our culture.

Women can give up their jobs
as clerks, engineers, sales people, doctors-
other people will step in
and the world will go on as smoothly as before.
It will be business as usual.
The groceries will still be sold,
Trucks loaded with merchandise will still roll across our highways,
and Wall Street will carry on.

Not so with homemaking.
We are the special people into whose hands
the country and the world have been entrusted.
When we leave this job the world does not go on as before.
It falters and begins to lose it's way.
We homemakers are indispensable."

I thought that summarized pretty nicely the view that we should have of our lives and purpose. :-)

"Pure" Review and Giveaway

NOTICE: THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED AND IS NO LONGER OPEN FOR ENTRIES!!!

Yesterday I finished reading a book named "Pure" by Rebecca St. James. "Pure" is written as a 90-day devotional, but I couldn't wait the entire 90 days and read it in 30 instead. This book was written to help Christian girls get their lives in order. It is very helpful in the way that it walks you through some tough issues including forgiveness, fear, loneliness, thankfulness, sexual purity, a healthy body image, a submissive heart, love... and that's just the beginning! I found that God used it to shine a light on some things that I hadn't released to Him yet. Whether you think that you have everything together, you're struggling with where your life is going, or you feel like you can't go on anymore, this book will help you as it lovingly teaches through Scripture and personal experiences.

As much as I enjoyed "Pure", the fact that Rebecca St. James used the "Message" Bible paraphrase for most of her scripture readings took something away from the daily reading. The "Message" is not a translation, and therefore should not be quoted as scripture. I would definitely still read "Pure" (and I am planning to read it again), but if you look up the scriptures she quotes in your KJV (or NIV) I think that it will add greatly to the enjoyment and meaning of the book.

This book will be helpful to any Christian girl, whether she is homeschooled, public schooled, or private schooled. Because "Pure" is based on Scripture, it is relevant to all of our lives as it speaks about Purity of Mind, Purity of Body, and Purity of Spirit. The best thing about "Pure" is that even while it deals with some hard things, it reminds us that "We are valuable because we belong to the King" (Day 41 of "Pure").


Because I enjoyed this book so much, I have decided to host a "Pure" Giveaway (courtesy of Hachette book group).
In order to enter the drawing, here are the rules...

1. Please get permission from your parents before you enter this free drawing (This only applies if you are still part of your parents' household, if you no longer live with them you don't need their permission).

2. You must be a resident of the US or of Canada, (and you must have an address, no PO boxes).

3. Post the rules of the giveaway and link to this post on your blog. (If you do not have a blog please tell at least one person OUTSIDE of your family)

4. Leave me a comment telling me that you'd like to enter.


The drawing will end on October 31st (2008) at midnight (that's exactly three weeks from today). Please remember to visit when it ends to find out if you've won.

But you know what is the best thing about this giveaway? THERE WILL BE FIVE WINNERS!!!

So go ahead and post about it! This book really is worth it! :-)

Part One B: Learn to Listen

Now we're going to talk about listening and being teachable.
The last time I read Proverbs I noticed how often the word "Listen" is used. But the interesting thing is that the majority of the time it is used in the context of putting into practice. If we listen when our parents tell us that we need to clean up our books, and then we go away do something else, we weren't really listening.
Or if our parents tell us that we have a problem with anger, and instead of agreeing, praying that God would cleanse us of that, and then working on it, if we get angry that they DARE tell us that something is wrong with us... We're obviously not very teachable.
Proverbs 8:32 says “ Now therefore, listen to me, my children, For blessed are those who keep my ways." I'd say that it's pretty obvious that listening and doing go hand in hand.
But I think that we all know that we should be teachable. That when our parents tell us some character flaw that we have that we should listen to them and seek Jesus's help to correct that issue. But it can be really hard, and no matter how teachable we appear, we all go through times when we can still feel that little start of rebellion when the Holy Spirit or our parents show us something.
Being unteachable goes hand-in-hand with being insecure. If you find yourself getting overly upset about your parents talking to you about something you need to change, it might help if you prayed that God would give you security in who you are through Jesus.
I prayed for years that God would give me a teachable spirit, and do you know how He responded? By helping my parents to notice what I needed to work on!
"Practice makes perfect" is especially true for being teachable. If you are able to practice it on a day to day basis it will become easier and easier over time.

Now, how is being teachable going to help us to be good wives someday?
If we can learn not to be offended when our parents notice that we're not perfect or even when they prefer that we do something in a different way, than it will give us a head start on not being offended when our husband wants us to do something in a different way or points out something that we need to work on.
I have to confess that what bugs me the most is when someone tells me that I should do something a different way. Whether it's how I hold a pencil or how I sweep the kitchen, I can feel the annoyance pop up as soon as someone says that I'm doing it the wrong way or it would be better if I did it a different way.
Of course, that doesn't always bother me, but that is what annoys me the most often.
(Yeah, that pencil thing... it's amazing the silly little things that bother us, isn't it?!)

Obviously you're not going to marry someone that hates the way you do everything, so hopefully you won't have to seriously worry about changing your little odd habits, (like how you hold a pencil) but it's good to practice not getting annoyed or offended if someone does tease you about how you do something.
And if your Mom tells you that you need to hold the paintbrush differently because the walls are going to be all bumpy if you don't, you need to learn to change your ways without getting offended.

Ok, enough of all that... here are a few practical ideas of how you can practice being teachable.

1. Learn to talk to yourself silently... if you just learn to tell yourself to relax (And then do it), it will go a long way towards preventing your rebellious feelings.

2. Pray that God would give you a teachable heart. You're going to need it sooner or later (probably sooner).

3. Don't pick on others about little things that they do that annoy you, and if you see a character issue pray that God would show it too them, don't point it out yourself (unless someone asks you, or you are in a friendship where you have already agreed that you would help each other like that). Surprisingly, it will help you to be teachable if you learn not to be critical of others.

4. Ask your parents if there are any areas in your life that you particularly need to work on. This is great practice for being teachable.

5. If you can discipline yourself to read a little bit of the Bible everyday and to pray for a few minutes, it will make a huge difference in EVERY area of your life.

6. Interpret people in the best light possible. If someone has told you of a problem you have, assume that they are doing this to help you and only because they care about you. This is probably one of the hardest things because (especially with a peer or someone younger than you) it's easy to feel like they're just picking on you or that they don't like you. If it is a peer you are not under any obligation to change the way you hold that pencil, but you MUST be kind about it and forgive them if you need to.

7. Often when it is someone other than our parents that is pointing out things that they think we need to change we will have to forgive them whether there is or is not any truth in what they say. If you have been hurt in that way, don't pretend that it is ok, or say "Oh I'm just being stupid". If you pray and acknowledge that it was hurtful, and then forgive them it will help you learn to be teachable, and it might just save your friendship.

I hope that was clear, I have a cold and feel all muddled! If you have any practical ideas of how to learn to be teachable I'd love to hear them! :-)

Preparing to be a Good Wife Introduction

I am going to start writing a series of posts about different skills and character traits that we will need to have to be a true 'Help-meet' to our future husband. I'm not saying that if you don't have all of these traits that you cannot be a good wife, but I am saying that they will be helpful.
I will be writing about what the skills and traits are and how we can practice them every day with our family (but especially our brothers and fathers).
This series of posts will include things like Learning to Listen, Learning to Show Respect, Learning to Request, Learning to be Modest, Learning to be a Friend, Learn to follow a Routine, and things like that.
If you have an idea of something that you think would be good to talk about that is not on the list, let me know and I will try to add it to the list. (I would especially like any input from Moms on subjects that should be covered.) Obviously I'm not promising to post about any subjects... but I would like suggestions that fit into the theme of preparing to be a good wife. :-)

Now you might be wondering why you should have to change, I mean, after all people should like you just the way you are, right?
Well, let's get something straight. I am not saying that you have to change your PERSONALITY. Your personality is the beautiful way that God has chosen to allow you to be unique and different from everyone else.
What I am saying is that even though we might feel (for example) love and respect for our Dads or brothers, we might need to change the way we show it.
Every personality has strengths and weaknesses, and we all have flaws that we need to work on in order to become more like Jesus. Hopefully this series of posts will help point you in the right direction while still allowing you to be yourself.

That Annoying Feeling (Or 'Crushes')

Ah yes, you can see it now... that pre-teen girl who giggles and blushes whenever that cute little boy walks by... the ridiculous things she will do to get his attention... Is that ok or is it really wrong?
Some of us have been raised to think that to have a 'Crush on someone' is perfectly normal and right, and some of us have been raised to think that to have a 'Crush' is just about the worst thing in the world. But guess what? Neither of those views are completely correct.

First of all, I'd better say that I'm defining "Crush" as a feeling of attraction towards someone of the opposite sex. It can be a physical or emotional attraction, but it means that you are just attracted to someone and do not share any physical intimacy with them.

Now, God created us to have these feelings. It is a good thing when we find some one of the opposite sex attractive. So we can't say that it is sinful to 'like' a boy. But since humans are never perfect we need to know when we are abusing God's gift.

1. I believe that it is wrong to train children from infancy to think that if someone is kind to you, or if you are kind to someone else that makes you their girlfriend. (You know what I mean... Billy and Gracie are only 2, but when Gracie starts to cry and Billy gives her a hug the Moms say "Oh how cute! She's his little girlfriend!" That kind of stuff makes me sick.)

2. When you get to a certain age you will be attracted to boys. That is a good thing and there is nothing you can do about it.

3. Feelings are just feelings! When you feel attracted to someone, just say "Oh, huh, look at that. I'm attracted to them. So?" And don't get freaked out and worried.
It is silly to make this emotion more important than any other emotion. I feel angry sometimes. So? No big deal as long as I don't focus on it and become obsessive about it.

4. It is not the temptation that is wrong, it is what you do with the temptation. Ok, so you might be tempted to steal a cookie... if you shrug your shoulders and walk away it's not a problem. If you keep thinking about the cookie after you've walked away and keep going back and smelling the cookie, imagining eating the cookie, that's wrong.
So you might have a desire to have a physical relationship with someone. It's not a problem if you shrug your shoulders and walk away. But don't keep thinking about it and imagining what it would be like to have it.

5. Everyone has these feelings. So it's not something to be ashamed of. It might be something you want to talk to your Mom about, or maybe your sister, but on the other hand, it's not something you should talk about all the time.

6. You can think that someone is nice without having a crush on them.

Ok, so now, we have these feelings, and we know that God created us to feel like this, but it's easy to slip into focusing on this or that guy... WHAT CAN WE DO???

1. Don't think about it. If thoughts of him keep coming into your mind just say "Nope, I'm going to think about that" and then think of something else. (You may have to do that several hundred times a minute until you get used to it.)
Tell your mind that it's not high on your 'thought priority list'.

2. When you are in company with him, try to look at what his brothers and sisters seem to think of him because if they don't like him, chances are he's not a very nice person.
I personally am rarely or never attracted to someone's looks, but rather to their character. However, I do know that this is not the case for everyone (and there's nothing wrong with that).

3. Pray about it. (These obviously aren't in order of importance because this is the most important.) Pray that if it is not of God (and to be honest with ourselves, unless we're of marriageable age, most of the time it's not of God) that He would take the feeling away.
It may be a while (sometimes even months or years), but God will take away the feeling if it is not in His plan.

4. If you are of marriageable age, compare his character next to what the Bible says is a godly man. Sometimes this in and of itself can get rid of the attraction entirely. ;-)

5. Avoid things that foster the attraction and desire. Things like Romance novels, movies, and songs can all be VERY unhelpful.

6. Sometimes just talking to your Mom or sister makes it go away... secrets tend to be more binding than non-secrets. If you don't have a great relationship with your Mom try to improve it before you talk to her, but if you don't have a Mom or a sister, you may want to find an older sister type of girl to talk to. But preferably not someone who will either encourage your attraction or be horrified by it. ;-)

7. Don't put yourself in 'alone situations' with the object of your attraction. In fact, avoiding alone situations with any boy is probably a good idea.

8. Don't ever EVER talk about to the guy you like about the fact that you especially like him.

9. Keep it away from the physical level... no holding hands or kissing or hugging.

10. Be modest... this will help your thoughts to stay pure. Dress modestly, act modestly, and no long glances. A look can be as sensual as a touch, so 'watch your eyes'. :-)

And once again, Don't be freaked out by it! Most of the stuff I've mentioned will come naturally if you don't worry about it. :-)

Well, that's about all I have to say for now... Any thoughts?

Modest Swimwear

Edit: I do not publish spam or advertisement comments. Please do not leave them. Thank you!

As it gets warmer here in New England, our family does a lot of swimming in the lake right down the road from us.
During the past couple of years us girls have been trying out different types of modest bathing suits... don't get me wrong, we never wore bikinis, but it sure is nice to be a little more covered than your typical tank bathing suit.
I realize that some families do not allow boys and girls to swim at the same time, but whether you are swimming alone or with friends or family, there are some great swim suits out there that you actually can swim in.

Here is are a few bathing suit sites that we've found. I've also listed what suits are suitable to what body-types because we don't all look good and modest in the same suits. ;-)
(At the end there is a section for girls who don't want to be that covered but they still want to be more modest than the 'normal' suit.)

Swim modest bathing suits

This first one is my favorite... These suits are great for active swimmers because they really aren't any harder to swim in than normal suits, and they are all one piece so you don't have the problem of the skirt floating up. They're also really cute on. (They also don't need separate undergarments which is a big plus)
The site doesn't always have many fabric choices, but it's well worth checking back if you don't like the fabric they do have right now.
These suits are good for slender, average, or even slightly heavy girls... but if you have a heavier build you may want to consider a different suit.


Modest Swimwear

These bathing suits are harder to swim in, they do tend to slow you down a bit but won't make a difference if you are not a dedicated swimmer. (Another words, if you're not doing ten laps every day this bathing suit is fine.)
But they do need proper under garments... the capris tend to be see through, and the top clings A LOT when it is wet. Even if it is modest when it is dry, the top will be very immodest when wet if you don't wear something under it.
You want this bathing suit to be more tight than loose because it does tend to float up (And be more clinging) if it's loose.
A darker or more patterned fabric is best for these bathing suits. (You can also make them yourself... you can buy swim fabric online.)
These suits work best for average girls, and those who 'fill them out' more. Very slender girls have much more trouble with the suits wanting to float away.

Wholesome Swimwear

Ok, these suits are not the greatest for actually swimming... they're more for just hanging around in the water. I mean, you can swim in them, but they slow you down and somewhat restrict your movement.
These suits don't need undergarments, and are perfectly modest whether you are in or out of the water.
I notice that Moms particularly like these suits.
These suits are good for any shape, and can be a good choice for heavy girls who want to 'hide' more.

Fashionably Modest

This is a pattern, and I've never used it, but it looks as if it would be good for girls who enjoy wearing normal 'tank' bathing suits.

Ok, for those of you who want a more modest alternative to the normal bikini or tankini, but you also want to fit in, here are a few sites that seem to have good bathing suits.

Lime Riki

This site has several pretty and modest suits

And I was going to do several other sites, but I found this blog post that already has them listed so here you go.

The little Window shoppe

Ok, I hope that was helpful! Enjoy swimming! And let me know what bathing suits you like. :-)

A challenge

A young lady that I know is doing a challenge for girls. I will be doing it and posting about it at the end of the week.

Here's what she wrote on her blog
The Challenge: to wear only skirts/dresses for an entire week (7 days.) Post some pictures on your blog and show us some of your outfits. If you don't have exactly 7 different skirts, that's o.k. Mix and match with your shirts. If you'd like, post every day of your challenge week and show us what you wore like the other ladies in the links above did. (I am hoping to do so.) And be creative! You can easily be modest and fashionable at the same time. Being modest and feminine doesn't mean wearing a skirt that covers your toes and a shirt that comes all the way up to your neck, and has dull colors. No! You can be modest, feminine, lovely, beautiful and stylish all at the same time! So, be creative! Throw in some accessories. Put on a hat if you want; Dress up with some jewelry or earrings, fix your hair in a lovely do. Show us how you can look modest and feminine, yet with some added style.


For those who already wear skirts everyday:

If you already wear skirts regularly, please participate anyway! This is for all females. Show us how you mix and match your clothes, what type of fabric skirts you like best (blue jean, cotton, etc.), your favorite skirts and outfits, etc. We'd love to hear about it!


For an extra challenge:

-Venture out in your attempts to be fearlessly feminine!
-Fix your hair a different way each day of the challenge week. Must not be the same in all 7 days (that means 7 different hair-styles). Be creative and try new hair dos :-) Take a picture and show us.
-Wear a different pair of earrings if you have pierced ears, each day, or if you don't, a different piece of accessory.
-Show us pictures of daily activities of you in your skirts


The Goal of the challenge:

-Venturing out for one week to be fearlessly feminine in the way you dress
-Experiencing a week of skirts/dresses and comparing it to your regular ways of dress and style
-Evaluating yourself at the end of the week and comparing it to your regular way of dress: how was the experience for you? Any particular stories? Did wearing skirts rather than pants affect the way you felt? The way you felt about yourself? The way you acted? The way you carried yourself? Were you able to go about everyday activity as freely as pants? How did people respond? Were you more respected? Did you feel more like a lady? After the challenge do you desire to keep wearing skirts more regularly, or were you desperate to wear pants again? ETC.
-Sharing with other girls your outfits and give ideas of mixing and matching
-Showing how beautiful female femininity actually is


So, to recap if you want to do the challenge with us:

-Wear a skirt everyday for 7 days starting at the beginning of the week (I am starting Monday, but you can start whenever)
-Post a picture each day and show us what you wore and if you want to venture out, how you did your hair, and any other creative things you did or accessories you used to be fashionable
-At the end, share with us how it went. Answer some questions from above like: Did wearing skirts than pants affect the way you felt? The way you acted? The way you carried yourself? Share with us about the experience.


Show the world how you can be Fearlessly Feminine and Female!