Shyness

Yes, today I'm going to talk about being 'shy'. I have noticed a disturbing trend among girls in their early to mid teens where they are either extremely bold, or they are painfully shy.
Before I begin I would like to say that I'm not talking about people who are naturally more quiet or more loud. It is only when a personality trait becomes rude that it is a problem.
Right now I'm going to be focusing on the 'Shy Trend' because that seems to be much more prevalent among Homeschoolers. There seems to be an idea that some people have that you have to be very quiet and shy in order to be a Christian. That obviously isn't true because when you read (anywhere in the New Testament) about Jesus, He wasn't shy at all. And He is the One that we are to be like as Christians.
There is nothing wrong with not being boisterous, but there's a big difference between being friendly and being boisterous.
Ok, first I'm going to give a little example of what shyness can look like...

Let's say that you go to church and you notice that there is a new family there with a girl about your age or younger that is standing by herself off to the side. You feel a little hesitant but you make the effort and walk over, give a friendly smile and say hi. Her face gets slightly red, but she gives a little smile and a very quiet hello before turning her head to look at the rest of the people. You feel a bit awkward, almost as if you're not welcome, but ask where she's from, and did she have to travel far to get here? After only getting a short sentence in reply you start to turn red yourself as you ask how many siblings she has, does she have any pets, does she like hiking etc. After carrying on a conversation by yourself for a couple of minutes you suffer through a long uncomfortable silence and then finally excuse yourself.

Has that ever happened to you? If it hasn't, let me tell you it's very very difficult to carry on a conversation when the other person only gives a curt one-syllable answer to any questions you are able to come up with.

Or maybe you would be the one standing quietly off in a corner feeling very out of place and awkward. If that would be the case, I have a couple of ideas of how to help you to 'come out of yourself' a little more so that anyone trying to be friendly doesn't feel rebuffed. :-)

1. Smile... a nice friendly smile can work wonders when you can't think of anything to say

2. Talk to your Mom and ask her to help you practice questions to ask and subjects to talk about. (A little tip here: if you can get someone to start talking about themselves you've won half the battle and will probably just have to listen for a while.)

3. Practice on safe people, say a friend that you know but you don't see very often, or even your Grandma or cousin. Practice makes a big difference in being a good conversationalist.

4. Stop thinking so much about what others think of you. If you are able to concentrate on being friendly instead of worrying why this or that person is looking at you, it will not only help you to win friends, it will help you to enjoy your life more. I know that it's no fun going around worrying what everyone thinks of you.

5. Branch out. Next time you are in company, look around and see if there is anyone that looks as shy as you feel and try to make them feel at home.

6. If you have invited someone to your home or to do something with you, make sure that you are willing to make an effort to talk to them because otherwise they will just feel like they are intruding. (My sister is really good at talking to people so sometimes I'll make sure that she's around if I can't think of something to say)


And if you are the person who is trying to be friendly to a shy person here are a few tips.

1. Always have a subject that you can chat about basically by yourself (i.e. your cat, what you have in your garden...) that way if you go up and talk to someone you can actually talk for a few minutes without feeling too out of place.

2. Sometimes shy people don't want to talk for a long time, but a friendly smile and "Welcome!" will make them feel more at ease and cared for. If you try to talk for too long they will be able to tell that it is a strain on you and they will just draw back into themselves more.

3. Don't take it personally if they don't respond right away. Sometimes a good way to get people to open up at a church dinner or something is to invite them to sit next to you. Sometimes people feel more at ease after they sit with you for a while. (Besides, when you're eating you don't have to talk as much)

4. Sometimes inviting the shy person to come stand with you in a little group (after introducing them to your friends) is a good idea because then you can just listen to everyone else talk. (In cases like this I usually invite my sister to come join us because she is really good at drawing people out of themselves.)

5. You never know how or when you can bless someone by being interested in them even if they don't appear to respond right away. I remember when I was younger and very shy I used to feel really happy when someone would just come up and say hi even if they didn't stay and chat.


Now, to all of the shy people out there... Go slow. Pray about it. It can be really hard to change the way you do things, but it is totally worth it! If you can learn to enjoy being in company not think about yourself it will really help. :-)

Does anyone that either is shy now or used to be shy have any other suggestions or tips?

A Joyful, Thankful Heart

"A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." Proverbs 17:22 (NKJV)
"Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife." Proverbs 17:1
"Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." Proverbs 21:19

Did you ever notice how many verses there are in Proverbs that talk about how horrible it is to live with a quarrelsome, contentious, or angry woman? I was actually surprised when I was reading through Proverbs again how often it repeats that it's better to live in the wilderness or on the corner of a roof than to share a house with an angry woman.

It is very easy to fall into complaining... it seems to come naturally. But while complaining may feel like a release at the time, but it only makes you more discontent and unhappy. (This isn't to say that you can never talk to anyone about what bothers you, just don't make a habit of remarking on things that you don't like! Save it for the bigger things so that people will take you seriously.)

Here is my favorite passage in the Bible... Philippians 4:4-8 " Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." (NKJV)

So, looking at these verses, what are a few principles that we can take out of it to help us not complain?

1. Don't wait until you are consumed by your anxiety... pray right away when something happens to bother you

2. when you pray, give thanks for as much as you can. Try to think of something to be thankful for in the worrisome thing that has happened. If you had a fight with your sister, tell God how thankful you are that He has blessed you with a sister. Think about what you like about her and give thanks for that too. This gets your mind started on an upward slant instead of downward.

3. "Let your requests be made known to God". Tell God what you want!


-Now, what about in everyday life when nothing big and upsetting has happened?
Well, still do what the verse says. It doesn't matter whether the discontent in your heart springs from having something really bad happen or from just not wanting to do the dishes.
I have found that if your request to God is not that the other person would change but that YOU would change, it often is granted. (ie "Thank you so much that we have food to eat so that the dishes are dirty. Please help me to enjoy serving my family.")-

4. Try to see the positive side of whatever is bothering you (Like dirty dishes... if there were no dirty dishes it might mean that you didn't have any food!)

5. Make it a point to say at least five positive things a day out loud about your chores (or whatever you usually complain about)

6. Smile at everyone... offer sympathy when needed, but do it cheerfully. Going around with a frown on your face does not present a very attractive picture of young womanhood.

Remember, most of us have little siblings (or young children of our own) watching our every move. You may not realize it, but whatever you do will have a huge influence over the ones that watch you.

For a long time I was cheerful most of the time, but when I had to clean out the dish drainer I would kind of shake my head and sigh as I went sloooowly to put away the dishes. Not too long ago one of my siblings did the EXACT SAME THING before going to do their chore.
I haven't done that in a really long time, so it really struck me how careful I need to be to model a thankful and joyful heart even when I don't feel like it.
Now this isn't to say that you have to be perfect. I'm far from perfect (big surprise, right?). But it is saying that it is important to realize that you are in a position of leadership whether you like it or not.
Sometimes I get worried about the fact that I am not always a good example of cheerfulness, but then I just have to put the principles in Philippians 4 to work again! :-)

That Annoying Feeling (Or 'Crushes')

Ah yes, you can see it now... that pre-teen girl who giggles and blushes whenever that cute little boy walks by... the ridiculous things she will do to get his attention... Is that ok or is it really wrong?
Some of us have been raised to think that to have a 'Crush on someone' is perfectly normal and right, and some of us have been raised to think that to have a 'Crush' is just about the worst thing in the world. But guess what? Neither of those views are completely correct.

First of all, I'd better say that I'm defining "Crush" as a feeling of attraction towards someone of the opposite sex. It can be a physical or emotional attraction, but it means that you are just attracted to someone and do not share any physical intimacy with them.

Now, God created us to have these feelings. It is a good thing when we find some one of the opposite sex attractive. So we can't say that it is sinful to 'like' a boy. But since humans are never perfect we need to know when we are abusing God's gift.

1. I believe that it is wrong to train children from infancy to think that if someone is kind to you, or if you are kind to someone else that makes you their girlfriend. (You know what I mean... Billy and Gracie are only 2, but when Gracie starts to cry and Billy gives her a hug the Moms say "Oh how cute! She's his little girlfriend!" That kind of stuff makes me sick.)

2. When you get to a certain age you will be attracted to boys. That is a good thing and there is nothing you can do about it.

3. Feelings are just feelings! When you feel attracted to someone, just say "Oh, huh, look at that. I'm attracted to them. So?" And don't get freaked out and worried.
It is silly to make this emotion more important than any other emotion. I feel angry sometimes. So? No big deal as long as I don't focus on it and become obsessive about it.

4. It is not the temptation that is wrong, it is what you do with the temptation. Ok, so you might be tempted to steal a cookie... if you shrug your shoulders and walk away it's not a problem. If you keep thinking about the cookie after you've walked away and keep going back and smelling the cookie, imagining eating the cookie, that's wrong.
So you might have a desire to have a physical relationship with someone. It's not a problem if you shrug your shoulders and walk away. But don't keep thinking about it and imagining what it would be like to have it.

5. Everyone has these feelings. So it's not something to be ashamed of. It might be something you want to talk to your Mom about, or maybe your sister, but on the other hand, it's not something you should talk about all the time.

6. You can think that someone is nice without having a crush on them.

Ok, so now, we have these feelings, and we know that God created us to feel like this, but it's easy to slip into focusing on this or that guy... WHAT CAN WE DO???

1. Don't think about it. If thoughts of him keep coming into your mind just say "Nope, I'm going to think about that" and then think of something else. (You may have to do that several hundred times a minute until you get used to it.)
Tell your mind that it's not high on your 'thought priority list'.

2. When you are in company with him, try to look at what his brothers and sisters seem to think of him because if they don't like him, chances are he's not a very nice person.
I personally am rarely or never attracted to someone's looks, but rather to their character. However, I do know that this is not the case for everyone (and there's nothing wrong with that).

3. Pray about it. (These obviously aren't in order of importance because this is the most important.) Pray that if it is not of God (and to be honest with ourselves, unless we're of marriageable age, most of the time it's not of God) that He would take the feeling away.
It may be a while (sometimes even months or years), but God will take away the feeling if it is not in His plan.

4. If you are of marriageable age, compare his character next to what the Bible says is a godly man. Sometimes this in and of itself can get rid of the attraction entirely. ;-)

5. Avoid things that foster the attraction and desire. Things like Romance novels, movies, and songs can all be VERY unhelpful.

6. Sometimes just talking to your Mom or sister makes it go away... secrets tend to be more binding than non-secrets. If you don't have a great relationship with your Mom try to improve it before you talk to her, but if you don't have a Mom or a sister, you may want to find an older sister type of girl to talk to. But preferably not someone who will either encourage your attraction or be horrified by it. ;-)

7. Don't put yourself in 'alone situations' with the object of your attraction. In fact, avoiding alone situations with any boy is probably a good idea.

8. Don't ever EVER talk about to the guy you like about the fact that you especially like him.

9. Keep it away from the physical level... no holding hands or kissing or hugging.

10. Be modest... this will help your thoughts to stay pure. Dress modestly, act modestly, and no long glances. A look can be as sensual as a touch, so 'watch your eyes'. :-)

And once again, Don't be freaked out by it! Most of the stuff I've mentioned will come naturally if you don't worry about it. :-)

Well, that's about all I have to say for now... Any thoughts?

The Results of the last Poll

The last poll was "What does the word "Respectful" mean to you?"
Here are the results

Lip service, it's ok to roll your eyes when they aren't looking	4 (12%)
Always being polite	3 (9%)
A face you put on when listening to an adult	2 (6%)
A behavior	7 (22%)
To honor God by honoring those around you	25 (80%)

I'm not really going to comment on this poll, but I would like to say that I believe that Respect is an attitude of your heart, and not a face that you should put on and take off.

Modest Swimwear

Edit: I do not publish spam or advertisement comments. Please do not leave them. Thank you!

As it gets warmer here in New England, our family does a lot of swimming in the lake right down the road from us.
During the past couple of years us girls have been trying out different types of modest bathing suits... don't get me wrong, we never wore bikinis, but it sure is nice to be a little more covered than your typical tank bathing suit.
I realize that some families do not allow boys and girls to swim at the same time, but whether you are swimming alone or with friends or family, there are some great swim suits out there that you actually can swim in.

Here is are a few bathing suit sites that we've found. I've also listed what suits are suitable to what body-types because we don't all look good and modest in the same suits. ;-)
(At the end there is a section for girls who don't want to be that covered but they still want to be more modest than the 'normal' suit.)

Swim modest bathing suits

This first one is my favorite... These suits are great for active swimmers because they really aren't any harder to swim in than normal suits, and they are all one piece so you don't have the problem of the skirt floating up. They're also really cute on. (They also don't need separate undergarments which is a big plus)
The site doesn't always have many fabric choices, but it's well worth checking back if you don't like the fabric they do have right now.
These suits are good for slender, average, or even slightly heavy girls... but if you have a heavier build you may want to consider a different suit.


Modest Swimwear

These bathing suits are harder to swim in, they do tend to slow you down a bit but won't make a difference if you are not a dedicated swimmer. (Another words, if you're not doing ten laps every day this bathing suit is fine.)
But they do need proper under garments... the capris tend to be see through, and the top clings A LOT when it is wet. Even if it is modest when it is dry, the top will be very immodest when wet if you don't wear something under it.
You want this bathing suit to be more tight than loose because it does tend to float up (And be more clinging) if it's loose.
A darker or more patterned fabric is best for these bathing suits. (You can also make them yourself... you can buy swim fabric online.)
These suits work best for average girls, and those who 'fill them out' more. Very slender girls have much more trouble with the suits wanting to float away.

Wholesome Swimwear

Ok, these suits are not the greatest for actually swimming... they're more for just hanging around in the water. I mean, you can swim in them, but they slow you down and somewhat restrict your movement.
These suits don't need undergarments, and are perfectly modest whether you are in or out of the water.
I notice that Moms particularly like these suits.
These suits are good for any shape, and can be a good choice for heavy girls who want to 'hide' more.

Fashionably Modest

This is a pattern, and I've never used it, but it looks as if it would be good for girls who enjoy wearing normal 'tank' bathing suits.

Ok, for those of you who want a more modest alternative to the normal bikini or tankini, but you also want to fit in, here are a few sites that seem to have good bathing suits.

Lime Riki

This site has several pretty and modest suits

And I was going to do several other sites, but I found this blog post that already has them listed so here you go.

The little Window shoppe

Ok, I hope that was helpful! Enjoy swimming! And let me know what bathing suits you like. :-)

Personality Differences

In my last post, I talked about differences of opinions, but there are lots of different personalities out there, and sometimes the reason we have a problem with someone isn't that we disagree, but simply that we don't know how to understand how to 'interpret' the other person.

For instance, when one person is upset about something you did, they will just ignore it or suggest shyly that they don't like it when someone does such and so. While the next person will come right out and tell you that you did this, this and this, that they didn't like it and that you have to change your ways.
Now neither one of these approaches is the best way, one may be more offensive than the other, but neither of them are truly sinful... they're just different.

Of course, us Homeschoolers get a chance to deal with many different personalities on a daily basis with our brothers and sisters, but our particular family has boundaries that other families don't. We may think that it is rude to say something that a different family has no problem with.
That is why what my Mom calls 'Interpretation' is so important. (It's also called thinking the best of people.)

Let's say that your best friend at church has a tendency to speak their mind a little too forcefully and doesn't always have the best discretion about what to say, but you know that they really care about you. So on Sunday, this friend walks up to you and tells you, point blank, that your dress is ugly and immodest. Then they walk away and the next time you talk to them they seem to have forgotten all about it. Ok, now you can either look at it as your friend being a jerk, or think about it in context of their character. It may not have been right of them to handle the situation like they did, but maybe it wasn't them trying to be hurtful, it was just them not thinking before they spoke.

Or maybe someone is very quiet and when you walk over and try to be friendly, they kind of just smile shyly and then look away.

A while ago I realized that I wasn't 'interpreting' someone I love correctly. Now this person has a VERY different personality from me, and often would say something that was meant to be firm, but I would interpret it as anger.
After talking to my Mom about it, I realized that it wasn't the person's fault that I had a problem with them... it was my fault because I wasn't thinking about them in the context of their character, which is very 'definite', but I was interpreting them by MY character. If I had spoken the way they did, I would have been very angry, but I was supposed to look at THEIR personality, not MINE!

So, yeah, try it out with the person that bugs you the most, in your family or anywhere. ;-)

Differences of Opinions and Christian Liberty (Plus some tired rambling!)

Hi! We're back from our trip! If you want to read about it go to my other blog (listed in my profile). I'll be posting more about it soon.

Well, I keep thinking of things that I want to write about on here, but I think that the one that I want to talk about today is the fact/issue of Christian Liberty.

Now, in an age where 'tolerance' of evil things is considered good, Christian Liberty can get a kind of bad name from us 'intolerant' homeschoolers. Let me say that we should never tolerate wicked things. Christian Liberty should imply that we would be 'tolerating' minor differences within the Christian faith.

You know, we all have the same reaction when someone disagrees with us... we want to convince them that we are right! And we are sure that if we only talk enough, or put it the right way, or give them enough Bible verses, that they will see that we are right and admit that they were wrong!
The truth is that only God can convince anyone of anything. (Of course, some of you may not agree with this! Haha, time for Christian Liberty I guess!)

Actually, I've never been convinced of anything by someone arguing with me. It just makes me feel anxious (and, when someone is rude about it, disrespected and hurt).

Last year, after thinking and praying about something for a long time, I was convicted about a certain issue, and decided to change my ways. It wasn't anything big, just what could be called personal preference. But you should have seen the reaction I got when I said something about it on my blog! People that I had never even heard of before left not-so-nice comments about why I was wrong.

Now I actually didn't say that anyone was doing anything wrong, I just made an offhanded remark that I wasn't sure that such-and-so was a good thing for me to read. It was amazing how people seemed to feel that they were being personally attacked.

Ok, I guess that I'm rambling a bit, (I'm really tired!) but basically, if you can simply not get upset when someone doesn't agree with you (on things from Headcoverings to Lord of the Rings), than you and your friends and family will have a much easier time of things!

So yeah, just being quiet is sometimes the kindest thing that you can do. Especially if someone has made a decided to change something in their life. As long as it's not sinful, we should let them just be them.

Ok, I hope that made sense, I'm going to go crawl into bed now! G'night all! :-)