Lily Among Thorns - Part 2

Okay, so now we know what a Lily looks like, and we know that is what we want, but HOW DO WE GET THERE FROM WHERE WE ARE??? Of course, God is the One who does the work in us and we wouldn't even be wanting to be closer to Him unless He had called us (1 John 4:19), but so often we feel the fire of passion for God growing in our spirit and we just don't know what to do with it. Thankfully, God has given us very clear instructions in the Bible about what He wants us to do when we feel Him calling us to a more fulfilled and God-centered life than we now have.
(Note: See the end of the post for some recommended tools in starting out on this new phase of your life.)
So what are we supposed to do after we have 'accepted Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior'?

1."Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6
"Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass. And He shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light and thy judgment as the noonday." Psalm 37:5-6 (Go and read all of Psalm 37, it's really amazing!)
Okay, so, how are we supposed to commit our way unto the Lord? PRAY!!!
As you start out on this brand new phase of your life, go into a quiet room all by yourself (the bathroom works good for this if you honestly can't find anywhere else), get down on your knees (yes, I'm serious), and pray out loud to the God of the Universe who is calling to your heart (if you pray quietly or in a whisper, that's okay too, but it is important that you say the words with your mouth as well as your heart).
Commit your life, job, relationships, health, anger, fear, talents, everything to your Father, and ask Him to direct your paths and to show you what to do next.
Ask Him to show you what is in your life that is tying you to this world, is an idol to you or is standing between you and Him.

2. "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life." Galations 6:7-8
As you begin to do this, God will show you what is that you are idolizing. What it is that you are escaping to when you should be going to Him. (Escaping might sound something like this: "Oh man, I'm so stressed out! I just need to shut my mind off for a little while. I think I'll go watch a movie... go on facebook... vent on my blog... listen to music... go shopping... have some chocolate...")
One good way to evaluate whether or not something is an idol is to ask yourself whether or not you could live without it. (I believe that Leslie Ludy has a whole section on this in her book "Set Apart Femininity" that was very helpful to me. I wish that I could quote her, but I don't have the book at the moment.)

3. "I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish." Galations 5:16-17
(It goes on to list what the works of the flesh are... very interesting. If you have a moment, make sure to go read Galations 5:13-26)
As God shows you what you are replacing Him with, GET RID OF IT!!! Let nothing stand against your pursuit of Him! And please realize that He might not be calling you to never ever have another piece of chocolate again, but perhaps if you go on a fast from it, you might have an easier time "sowing to the spirit and not the flesh".

4."Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints..." Ephesians 6:18
Take the time that is freed up by getting rid of your 'escape', and use it to read the Bible and pray. Make sure not to fill it up with something else. If you get stop watching movies but take that time to listen to music (yes, even Christian music), than you are missing the point. The whole point of any kind of fast in this context (whether of entertainment, food, or anything), is to deny the flesh and to free up more time to spend with God and find out what He is calling you to.
I'll give you a very quick example out of my own life. My parents go for a walk every evening and it takes them about 30-45 minutes. Now by this time my chores are all done and I am free to do whatever I want (within reason of course) ;-). This is a perfect opportunity to spend time in prayer. (Besides, I found that when I had a time limit like that, it made it so that I was not constantly looking at the clock or trying to 'hurry up and get it over with'.)
This is an exercise of your will and your spirit, and if you are not used to it this can be tiring, but it will be very rewarding if you use the time to pray according to God's will.

(One quick note on prayer: if you run out of things to pray for, try opening the Bible to a Scripture, say Ephesians 6:10-18 or Psalm 37, and praying through it. - ie "Dear Father, help me not to fret myself because of evildoers, and not to be envious against the workers of iniquity... Rather work in my heart that I may trust in You, and give me wisdom and strength from You to do good. Help me to delight myself in You, and let the desire of my heart be to be a good and faithful servant to You. Lord, I do commit my way unto you, and do choose to trust in you, please give me righteousness that shines like the light
Also, consider this quote: "There is a general kind of praying which fails for lack of precision. It is as if a regiment of soldiers should all fire off their guns anywhere. Possibly somebody would be killed, but the majority of the enemy would be missed." - Charles Spurgeon, The Metroplitan Tabernacle Pulpit)

5. "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled." 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
As God shows you the strongholds in your life, go ahead and use the mighty weapons that He has given you (Ephesians 6:10-18) to pull down the strongholds, cast down the imaginations of your heart (for some young ladies sensual imaginings is a huge stumbling block) etc.

6. "Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.”" 1 Peter 1:13-16
Continue to fight against the idols in your life by refreshing yourself through prayer.
Also see "The Physical Side of Mental Purity" "Compromises" "Crushes on Unavailable Men" "PTGW Part 8: Taking Care of Your Soul" "Questions About Crushes, Attention, and Other Stuff!" "A Joyful, Thankful Heart" and "Tips for Mental Purity" for some more in depth practical suggestions about some of the more common strongholds and stumbling blocks for young ladies.

7. "Jesus answered him, “The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the LORD is one. And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.”" Mark 12:29-31
Pray, pray, pray! Pray without ceasing! Pray for the strength of God in this time of growing in your life! Pray that He would make you into a woman after His own Heart! Pray specifically for the godly qualities you are lacking! You are going to need His help, for "...Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”" Matthew 19:26b


And now for the recommended tools that I promised!

1. "The Steps to Freedom" by Neil Anderson - this is a great tool for the start of your journey and can help you to identify the strongholds in your life and cast them down. I would highly recommend this to EVERYONE!!! (Don't get turned off by how small it is, it is a powerful tool because it uses the Truth of God's Word to identify and cast down strongholds.) Highly Recommended

2. "Praying God's Word: Breaking Free From Spiritual Strongholds" by Beth Moore - this is an excellent place to start praying God's word, and gives a little more concentrated help on the areas of weakness in your life. Recommended

3. "Get Out of That Pit: A 40-Day Devotional Journal" by Beth Moore - I have never read the original book, but this journal is very helpful for those struggling with depression. Recommended

4. "Set Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy - This book is one of the main ways that God called me to more than the mediocre Christianity I was living. Highly Recommended

5. "Wrestling Prayer" by Eric and Leslie Ludy - If you are looking for a step by step guide to becoming more than a mediocre Christian, this is an amazing and very challenging book to grow you in your faith and service to the Lord! Highly Recommended

6. "The Bible" the supernaturally inspired and perfect Word of God. Highly Highly Highly HIGHLY Recommended!!!!


And just one last word of encouragement... “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." Luke 11:9-10

(These verses in this post are just meant to get you started, please go ahead and read the full chapters and books that I have quoted from here and continue to seek God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. As usual, if you have any questions, or if you come across any other verses that you think would enhance this post, or would be a blessing to those reading it, please leave a comment.)

Jewelry!

Hello there, ladies! I am working on part 2 of the Lilly post, but I wanted to announce that my Jewelry Website is now open! :-) Go check it out and tell a friend! :-) thejoyofjewelry.blogspot.com

Lily Among Thorns - Part 1

"As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters." Song of Solomon 2:2

Who wouldn't want to be something as beautiful as a lily, especially when the alternative is an ugly thorn whose sole purpose is to wound and destroy?

Although the Song of Solomon speaks mostly about the love in a marriage relationship, we know that the only way that we can truly become as a lily among thorns is through a life devoted to Christ. It is only through Christ that we can live at all; without him we are completely dead spiritually.

Now I know that we need to look at Scripture as a whole and not just take one verse and run wild with it, but this post is based on the principles that I have seen all throughout Scripture and I have chosen this particular verse because it illustrates the goal so beautifully. So please just bear with me as I use the idea in this Scripture to create a picture in your mind.

To be truly set apart, to be so obviously more beautiful and different than others, to be as pure and unsullied as a lily. We all, as Christian young ladies, want this. In fact I would venture to guess that every single woman out there - Christian or not - would love the idea of being so beautiful that she is like a lily compared to thorns.

So why, when we look around at the Christian young ladies that we see, does it seem that the Church is so full of thorns without a single lily? Or at best we see a bunch of thorns with only the promise of an unopened bud breaking the monotony of identical brown 'stickers' once in a very great while?
Well, I know the answer, and I will tell you what it is. Being a Lily is not an easy thing. It is easier to be a comfortable worldly Christian (hey, at least thorns are alive to some extent, right?), than to pray and strive towards being completely devoted to Christ.

This idea was amazingly summed up by Ian Thomas when he said, "Carnal Christians profess Christ as their Redeemer, but their actions and decisions are for the sake of their own interests and for who they are in themselves rather than for God's interest and for Who He is. Their minds are still the workshops of the devil, for he can persuade countless numbers of professing Christians to try and be Christians without Christ."

Do you want me to tell you what being a Lily really looks like in everyday life? It looks like spending time praying and deepening your relationship with God every single day. Treating others (including your family) as better than yourself. Loving your enemies and doing good to those who hate you. Saying no to immodest clothing and indecent behavior. Giving up anything in your life that sows discontentment or resentment or any kind of sin - whether it's movies, tv shows, books, the internet or friends. It means standing up when Jesus Christ is spit upon, not sitting by and hoping that no one notices you. It means helping the helpless, befriending the friendless, giving hope to the hopeless. It means being Jesus' hands, feet, eyes, ears, mouth and heart in this world. It means making Jesus Christ your First Love, letting Him decide what your earthly love story will look like. It means being willing to do anything and everything for Him and through Him. It means experiencing the fruits of the spirit in your life. It means NOT fitting in. It means that you stand out. It means recognizing that you have NO beauty in and of yourself (yeah, try telling that to the pop-Christian culture), but ONLY when the One who is the "perfection of beauty" (Psalm 50) is allowed to shine through you.
And that's only the beginning of the list! Sounds exhausting- not to mention impossible- doesn't it?

Well, without God it is impossible. You can't do it (yeah, forget about the "you can do anything you want" message- it's a lie). Only Jesus can when you allow Him and ask Him to work through you! And guess what?! When He does the work, you will find more rest and beauty in your life than you ever thought possible. Through Jesus you can become a true Lily, with the beauty and life of our Savior radiating from you. (And by the way, being a true Lily is the only way to attract the right kind of man; who wants to marry someone who is attracted to a thorn?!) A Christ-centered life is the ONLY life worth living.

So you know what being a God-centered woman looks like (if not, just read the Bible...), but right now you're a Christian young woman who is tired of trying to look like a thorn (i.e. normal) while wishing to experience the true fulfillment that comes from pouring your life out for Christ.

First of all, Jesus is the only one that can put this desire in your heart, so if it is there you can be sure that He will grow you into a true Lily when you ask Him to take your life and do His work through you.

Since this blog is about the practical application of Biblical principles, the 2nd part of this will be about a practical way to take the next step towards being a 'Lily among thorns' (or a woman 'after God's own heart')

Before I finish, I will give you the first thing to do: Pray and dedicate your life to Christ. Ask Him to take over in every area of your life and to do His work through you.
"Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain." Psalm 127:1

"A pure heart is one to which all that is not of God is strange and jarring." - John Talver

Living in Fear of Pleasure

Have you ever noticed how many devoted Christians seem to live in fear of enjoying anything? Almost as if when they take pleasure in anything they are doing something wrong.

I know of so many Christian families who desire to serve the Lord with their whole heart, but they continually walk around with sad, worried faces on as they live with the concern that perhaps they are not pleasing to God.
You know what, though? Walking around being controlled by fear isn't pleasing to God! Jesus did not die on the Cross to set us free from the bondage of sin and death, only to intend us to fall right back into another kind of slavery to fear and anxiety.
Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive to please God, that we shouldn't fear God, or that we shouldn't do our absolute best to follow His Word. But rather that as we go about our daily lives doing all those things, we should make sure to enjoy the wonderful things that God has blessed us with.

I created this blog because I noticed that there was a great deal being said about what was the right thing to do, but nothing about the practical aspect of how exactly to do it. I still think that it is an important thing to address, and I plan on continuing to do so. But as we take principles from the Bible and apply them to our lives in this day and age, let's make sure not to impose extra Biblical standards or rules on ourselves or others. Rules like: no wine, no boy/girl friendships, no makeup, no cars, no doing anything outside of the home, no fun... all work to tie us up into a spiritual and emotional bundle of worry and anxiety.

Now I understand that some people or families have certain rules that are not specifically listed in the Bible, such as no wine, and I think that it is a wonderful thing that we have the liberty to take the personal convictions that God has given us individually and apply them to our lives. (For instance, a man we know used to be an alcoholic and he was convicted of God and was able to quit. He has decided not to have even a taste of any kind of alcohol because it is too great of a temptation for him.) I think that it shows true maturity to recognize the personal weakness that each of us have, and learn how to fortify ourselves against them.

What we need to be careful of is the desire to impose the personal convictions that we have onto other people. (Now I'm not talking about things like not getting drunk; that is something that is clearly talked about in the Bible. Rather I'm talking about things like no wine ever.) It is important to understand that different people have different weaknesses. One man can't even smell wine without putting himself into temptation, and another can enjoy several glasses and not have a problem. One girl might have a problem with romance novels, while another can read one now and then and not have any more of a struggle with her emotions (*I am talking about 'pg' rated books... 'x' rated books are not right for anyone).

The Pharisees excelled at creating extra Biblical rules. If you have never done a study on the Pharisees I would recommend doing some research on them. It is very interesting because they were the 'real' religious men of the time. The trouble is that they often would put man made laws on the same level of importance as the Torah. What their man made laws actually did for the most part was to take God's law and say, "If we aren't supposed to work on the Sabbath, than we shouldn't look in a mirror on the Sabbath because we might see a gray hair and pull it out, and thereby work and blaspheme God".
In theory, it sounds good to extend the boundaries that God put in place so that we don't ever run a chance of breaking one of His commandments. (One example of this is to take the commandment about extra-marital sex and think that if it's good to have a law against that, it's better to have a rule against pre-marital hand holding. Not a problem if it's a personal conviction, but definitely a problem if you use your own rules as a standard to judge others.)

Jesus said "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30. Romans 8:1-2 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death."
The Pharisees, and many Christians today, have simply exchanged the heavy burden of sin for the heavy burden of guilt. It is so sad to see so many Christian girls who seem to still be in spiritual and emotional slavery. This is not of Christ! His burden is light! If you are under a heavy burden, than give it to Jesus and be free. Free from bondage to sin and guilt, and free to have joy and pleasure in your life.

And just because your family has certain rules that you have to follow doesn't mean that you can't be free. As long as you live in your father's household you must obey the rules of the house that are not specifically against God's Word. What I'm talking about is less of a physical action, and more of a spiritual and emotional struggle.

God created good things for us to enjoy as we follow His Word. Ecclesiastes 9:7-10a says "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; for God has already accepted your works. Let your garments always be white, and let your head lack no oil. Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might..."

So don't forget to enjoy the beautiful and wonderful things that God has given us today! If you are interested in reading more about this, I would recommend reading the book of Romans, which is one of my favorite books of the Bible. If this subject is something that you struggle with than you will find it (and especially chapter 8) extremely helpful. :-)

Comments

Just a quick note to say please do not click on any links in my comments section. I seem to be having trouble with people posting very inappropriate links. I have reported the blogger that keeps doing this, but if anyone has any ideas of how to stop them from doing this I would really appreciate it. Thanks! :-)

Compromises

"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." Romans 12:1-3

"Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits'." 1 Corinthians 15:33

It was so wonderful when we dedicated our lives to Christ, wasn't it? It was exciting when we began to have different beliefs fall in place: baptism, gender rolls, modesty, like-minded friends, Bible believing church... we were enthusiastic and ready to 'do it'.
If only we could have held on to that enthusiasm and energy forever! Instead we suddenly wake up one day to realize that we have compromised little by little until we have no idea how to get back on track short of starting completely over again (which, let's be honest, is not going to happen).

So what should we do when we find that we are most definitely being conformed to this world, and we doubt that the transformation we have undergone has had anything to do with the renewing of our mind?

Well, the obvious answer is to change and to get back to living the way that God wants us to. But the next question is not quite so easy to answer. How? How do we get from the state that we have discovered ourselves to be in to living like Jesus wants us to? Here are a few ideas...


1. Pray about it. I probably have said this in just about every post on this blog, but that doesn't make it any less true. Prayer is an amazing thing, it is the way God has given us to talk to Him!


2. Read your Bible. Sit down and look at your schedule and try to find ten minutes that you can set aside just to read your Bible. If you honestly can't think of when to have it, put a Bible in your bathroom and read as much as you can in the time you spend in there in the morning and evening. (There, *cough cough* was that practical enough?) Start in Genesis (or Matthew if you prefer), and just read through. But don't just do that 'open to a random spot and read a verse' thing... that's only allowed once in a while. ;-)


3. Look at your friends and who you are spending the most time with. Are they a godly influence in your life? Do they encourage you to follow Jesus with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength? Friends have a huge influence on our lives, but it's not always that obvious. I believe that you should not have any close non-Christian friends (or close Christian friends who are living in sin). That does NOT mean that you should suddenly cut them completely out of your life or that you should tell them that you can't be friends anymore because as of right now they're going to hell. What this does mean is that if you find yourself becoming too close to a non-Christian, you should begin to extract yourself little by little until you are more like friendly acquaintances than best friends. Now every circumstance is different, but here are a few ideas to get you started.

a. If they are internet friends, stop replying to their e-mails every day. Just back off a bit and only e-mail them once a week. If they ask you what's up, tell them that you are busy and are trying not to spend so much time on the computer (or whatever is true for you). Do NOT tell them that you don't want to be best friends anymore. That is not kind and is unnecessary. (One trouble with many people these days is that they think that if you don't tell the entire truth you are lying. While I am not suggesting that you lie, I am suggesting that you be tactful and kind. If you saw a friend and instantly noticed that they were wearing a shirt that clashed with their pants, you do not have to tell them, right?)

b. If they are friends that you see in person, stop spending so much free time with them. Simply find something else to do most of the time (maybe read your Bible). ;-)

c. Be nice to them, but don't invest yourself in them. Instead do your best to find solid Christian friends to invest your time in. (And they don't have to be perfect, no one is, but they should be doing their best to live in line with God's word.)


4. Find a good church. You can always find one if you look hard enough. And you don't necessarily have to agree with everything they preach. As long as they don't teach things that are against the Bible. (For instance, even if you believed in paedobaptism, you could go some where that taught believers baptism -that's called Christian liberty-, but you wouldn't go somewhere that preached that abortion is right.) However, it is important that they teach the Bible.


5. Set godly and realistic goals such as reading a chapter of the Bible every day, going to church once a week, not entertaining impure thoughts or crushes, or whatever God has convicted you about.


6. Find someone to be accountable to. Now this could be your Mom, or it could be a Christian friend. Explain to them the goals that you would like to be accountable for, and ask them to check with you on a regular basis, at least once a week, to see how you are doing.


7. If you realize that you are spending a lot of your time somewhere (workplace, school, sports) with people who are ungodly, and God shows you that you are only going to continue falling further away from Him if you stay in that place, than you need to leave. Now I understand that would be incredibly difficult, and that is something that only God could tell you if it is necessary, but if He does tell you to quit, that is exactly what you need to do. As long as you are following His will, He will take care of you.


8. Choose your hill to die on. Don't make every little thing a matter of life or death. And don't try to change everything at once, that will only leave you discouraged.


9. Be a witness by living your life the way you should. Do not take your conviction and try to force it on all of your friends (Christian or not). Do pray for them. And don't mistake picking on them for being a good witness (if your friend has tattoos, it won't do either of you any good if you start going on about what the Bible says about it. That will only make it so that they are less likely to listen to you).


Before I close, I would like to respond specifically to the anonymous comment I received a few days ago (remember, if you want me to respond to you personally, I do need your blog or e-mail address)...

"Joy,

I feel stuck and I would love your help!

I am a 19-year-old daughter of wonderful parents, but they have supported me to follow the world's cookie cutout for life; public school, and now I find myself at a huge secular university. I believe God wants me here now, and I have tried to live out my faith here, but tonight I was convicted of subtle compromises I have made without even realizing it. I find myself the somewhat close friend of a gay man, crushing on men when I shouldn't be, and surrounded by so much worldliness that I forget about God. I am not joining these people but not standing against/reaching out to them either. I want God to reign more in my life, but it feels like swimming upstream at a secular university (to be expected) and I don't know where to start. Specifically, how do I behave with non-christian friends (who I have inevitably made here)? Or even friends who are christian but have compromised like I have? How do I tell them I want to change, that I need to take God more seriously in everything that I do? I mean, if I were at home, it would be so much easier to live my faith, serving my parents and family; it is my comfort zone. But here, God's law is turned upside down. I have been praying about it, and I would love your thoughts!"


Dear friend,
I hope that the ideas that I have given here have been helpful to you. If you still have questions, please feel free to ask. I know that you are trying to do something that is extremely difficult, and only God can tell you what specifically you should do in your situation. I will be praying for you, that God would give you wisdom and courage to do His will, that He would show you what is and is not important, and that you would be encouraged and find Christian friends who will encourage you do to His will.
May God bless you!
Joy

PTGW Part Nine: Learning to Have a Joyful Spirit

"Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!" 1 Chronicles 16:10
"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10b
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

Lately I have been realizing how important it is to enjoy your life, and to rejoice in the Lord. Now this does not mean that we have to ignore anything uncomfortable or bad that happens, or that we have to walk around with plastic smiles on our faces all the time. What is does mean is that we need to find our joy in the Lord, and not have it be dependent on silly things (like whether it is sunny or cloudy, whether someone in our family has a bad attitude or not, etc). Right now I'm not going to talk about big things that happen (like a death in the family, or a debilitating physical problem) or how to deal with them, but instead I will be concentrating on a few ideas of how we can encourage ourselves to enjoy life, in spite of the little annoyances that can so often steal our joy.
Now before I begin, let me say that out of all of the things that I have heard men say are attractive in a woman, the most common and prevalent thing by far is a joyful spirit. A genuine enjoyment of life in Jesus. A smile and a joyful attitude can make even a very plain woman extremely attractive and beautiful. And we need to start by blessing our families with a joyful spirit.
So here are a few ideas of how to get and keep a joyful attitude.

1. Pray that God would give you a Joyful Spirit. This is obviously the most important thing. Without His help, none of us are very nice to be around. ;-)

2. One idea is to make yourself something to remind you to be cheerful. I often find that when I am not cheerful, it is because I simply forget to work on it. (I know, "I forgot" is the worst excuse ever, but sometimes you really do forget, and it can be helpful just to be reminded.) One thing that I did was that I made up a little piece of paper that I kept in my pocket to remind me to have a joyful spirit. Believe it or not, it REALLY helped! Of course, most dresses don't have pockets, so you can make a bracelet or necklace or something instead.

3. Deal with little annoyances as they come up. Don't let things build up inside of you. One of the worst things in a wife or sister is the tendency to let little things build up, build up, build up and then suddenly explode in a yelling or screaming fit. But you can avoid this if you pray about things as they happen, forgive people as they hurt you, breathe deeply and release your tension. Remember and put into practice Philippians 4:6-7 (my favorite verses) "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

4. It is ok to pretend to be cheerful even if you don't always feel like it. Now this doesn't mean fake smile, thinly veiled annoyance... and it is not an excuse not to deal with things that are bothering you. What it does mean is that you should answer your mother cheerfully when she asks you to do something, even if you are growling inside (and then you should pray about that 'growly-ness'). It also means that you do not have to burden your family with every moment that you are 'out of sorts'. Just smile. Practice makes perfect. :-)

5. If you find yourself having a particularly hard time, take a moment to pray, breathe, and maybe make a little list of things that you are thankful for. (This can be especially helpful if you are having trouble with one particular person. Make a list of things you are thankful for about them... and then give it to them if you'd like! For example... my brother, who is nearest to the water jug at supper, cheerfully fills everyone's glasses all throughout supper without complaining. that is something I am really thankful for about him. My sister cleans and vacuumes every single day, and really blesses our family with a clean house. My other sister is always ready with a hug and a kiss if someone is having a hard day. She can spot a tear from a mile away and comes running to help that person feel better. Pray before you make the list, because when you are having a difficult time with someone, it is extremely easy to only see their faults, and there are plenty of faults if you look hard enough, and it takes Jesus to help you be able to see the beautiful ways that they bless you.)

6. Don't focus on the negative. My Mom says that there are always two ways to look at something. If there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, you can look and see how people never clean up after themselves, or you can thank God that you have food to eat and a family to share it with.

7. Go for a walk. This will help you get your blood flowing and help you feel awake and more cheerful.

8. Avoid or limit sugar... (I'm sorry, people say that I bring nutrition into everything, but it is true, what you eat really does effect you.) Sugar makes people irritable, and that is something we want to avoid. :-)

9. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. I am a firm believer in getting enough sleep for helping with an attitude that is not always the best.

10. Do fun things that you enjoy. Don't let yourself just work all the time (I am not a believer in 'I need me time', but I do think that doing fun things is a good idea). And don't fool yourself into thinking that if something is going to be fun it has to be big or expensive. Paint your nails with your little sister (or by yourself). Have a tea party. Dress up. Turn on some music and dance. Sing while you work. Brainstorm things that you like to do, make a list, and then DO THEM!!! :-)

11. Help someone else. I often find that nothing helps me more than doing something kind for someone else.

12. Read your bible. (Hey, and while you're at it, take a look in Proverbs and see how many times it talks about how Unattractive the Opposite of a joyful spirit is... for starters take a look at Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, and 27:15.) :-)

Well, I hope that this has been helpful to you. Remember, no one wants to be around someone who is crabby or irritated all the time. Being joyful will help you to have better friendships, relationships, and a better life. You will find that you enjoy life more, and that others enjoy you more.
As always, if anyone has anything to add to this, I would love to hear it! :-)