A New Chapter

This post is a bit of a deviation from my normal kind. I am here to inform you ladies of a recent change in my life and ask for your prayers for guidance.

The Lord has been working in my life in many ways and - in the past year - has blessed me with more health and enjoyment of life than I would ever have thought possible. Out of these blessings (of feeling up to doing things again), He has brought many new friends. I am very happy to say that at the end of this past March one of my dear friends and I entered into courtship.

Courtship is not engagement or betrothal, but simply the time wherein two friends commit - not to each other - but to seeking the Lord's will regarding their relationship with each other. There is more openness and trust, but no more physical benefits than a close friendship. A successful courtship is one that determines God's will for the relationship.

Needless to say, this is a very exciting development, and I am enjoying the journey of getting to know this man better. Please do pray for us and our families - that God would bless us with wisdom and strength to do His will and that we would bring Him honor and glory through this relationship.

I appreciate your prayers! :-)

PTGW Part Nine: Learning to Have a Joyful Spirit

"Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the LORD!" 1 Chronicles 16:10
"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10b
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

Lately I have been realizing how important it is to enjoy your life, and to rejoice in the Lord. Now this does not mean that we have to ignore anything uncomfortable or bad that happens, or that we have to walk around with plastic smiles on our faces all the time. What is does mean is that we need to find our joy in the Lord, and not have it be dependent on silly things (like whether it is sunny or cloudy, whether someone in our family has a bad attitude or not, etc). Right now I'm not going to talk about big things that happen (like a death in the family, or a debilitating physical problem) or how to deal with them, but instead I will be concentrating on a few ideas of how we can encourage ourselves to enjoy life, in spite of the little annoyances that can so often steal our joy.
Now before I begin, let me say that out of all of the things that I have heard men say are attractive in a woman, the most common and prevalent thing by far is a joyful spirit. A genuine enjoyment of life in Jesus. A smile and a joyful attitude can make even a very plain woman extremely attractive and beautiful. And we need to start by blessing our families with a joyful spirit.
So here are a few ideas of how to get and keep a joyful attitude.

1. Pray that God would give you a Joyful Spirit. This is obviously the most important thing. Without His help, none of us are very nice to be around. ;-)

2. One idea is to make yourself something to remind you to be cheerful. I often find that when I am not cheerful, it is because I simply forget to work on it. (I know, "I forgot" is the worst excuse ever, but sometimes you really do forget, and it can be helpful just to be reminded.) One thing that I did was that I made up a little piece of paper that I kept in my pocket to remind me to have a joyful spirit. Believe it or not, it REALLY helped! Of course, most dresses don't have pockets, so you can make a bracelet or necklace or something instead.

3. Deal with little annoyances as they come up. Don't let things build up inside of you. One of the worst things in a wife or sister is the tendency to let little things build up, build up, build up and then suddenly explode in a yelling or screaming fit. But you can avoid this if you pray about things as they happen, forgive people as they hurt you, breathe deeply and release your tension. Remember and put into practice Philippians 4:6-7 (my favorite verses) "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

4. It is ok to pretend to be cheerful even if you don't always feel like it. Now this doesn't mean fake smile, thinly veiled annoyance... and it is not an excuse not to deal with things that are bothering you. What it does mean is that you should answer your mother cheerfully when she asks you to do something, even if you are growling inside (and then you should pray about that 'growly-ness'). It also means that you do not have to burden your family with every moment that you are 'out of sorts'. Just smile. Practice makes perfect. :-)

5. If you find yourself having a particularly hard time, take a moment to pray, breathe, and maybe make a little list of things that you are thankful for. (This can be especially helpful if you are having trouble with one particular person. Make a list of things you are thankful for about them... and then give it to them if you'd like! For example... my brother, who is nearest to the water jug at supper, cheerfully fills everyone's glasses all throughout supper without complaining. that is something I am really thankful for about him. My sister cleans and vacuumes every single day, and really blesses our family with a clean house. My other sister is always ready with a hug and a kiss if someone is having a hard day. She can spot a tear from a mile away and comes running to help that person feel better. Pray before you make the list, because when you are having a difficult time with someone, it is extremely easy to only see their faults, and there are plenty of faults if you look hard enough, and it takes Jesus to help you be able to see the beautiful ways that they bless you.)

6. Don't focus on the negative. My Mom says that there are always two ways to look at something. If there is a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, you can look and see how people never clean up after themselves, or you can thank God that you have food to eat and a family to share it with.

7. Go for a walk. This will help you get your blood flowing and help you feel awake and more cheerful.

8. Avoid or limit sugar... (I'm sorry, people say that I bring nutrition into everything, but it is true, what you eat really does effect you.) Sugar makes people irritable, and that is something we want to avoid. :-)

9. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. I am a firm believer in getting enough sleep for helping with an attitude that is not always the best.

10. Do fun things that you enjoy. Don't let yourself just work all the time (I am not a believer in 'I need me time', but I do think that doing fun things is a good idea). And don't fool yourself into thinking that if something is going to be fun it has to be big or expensive. Paint your nails with your little sister (or by yourself). Have a tea party. Dress up. Turn on some music and dance. Sing while you work. Brainstorm things that you like to do, make a list, and then DO THEM!!! :-)

11. Help someone else. I often find that nothing helps me more than doing something kind for someone else.

12. Read your bible. (Hey, and while you're at it, take a look in Proverbs and see how many times it talks about how Unattractive the Opposite of a joyful spirit is... for starters take a look at Proverbs 21:9, 21:19, 25:24, and 27:15.) :-)

Well, I hope that this has been helpful to you. Remember, no one wants to be around someone who is crabby or irritated all the time. Being joyful will help you to have better friendships, relationships, and a better life. You will find that you enjoy life more, and that others enjoy you more.
As always, if anyone has anything to add to this, I would love to hear it! :-)

PTGW Part Seven: Learning to Encourage

Encouragement is so important, isn't it? It's amazing what a difference an encouraging word can make in someone's life. And it doesn't always have to be words, I know that there have been different people who have encouraged me with something as simple as a hug or a smile.
One of my favorite "Hide 'Em in Your Heart" songs is based on 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV ("Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing").
But encouraging someone isn't always as simple as smiling at them, is it? Sometimes it means getting out of our comfort zone and risking rejection or embarrassment (even though not many people reject encouragement, we can sometimes still feel like they will). Unfortunately, I don't know any way of getting over the awkward feeling of stepping out of our comfort zones except to do it over and over. I have to confess that I'm not very good at this, but "practice makes perfect", and I'm going to give you a few ideas on how to 'practice' starting with the least awkward. :-)

1. Smile at people! You might be amazed at how attractive and uplifting a smile is. If you've ever smiled at someone and not had them respond, you know that it's always a bit of a let down when you don't get a smile back. I've had bad days where I went to the store and a total stranger smiled at me and it really did make my day better. :-)

2. Serve people. Now I'm not necessarily talking about painting someone's house or doing their laundry. Simply getting someone a glass of water or helping them cut up vegetables for lunch can encourage them.

3. Give a hug! A hug is a very efficient and simple way to encourage someone without words. Sometimes you might find that someone gets tears in their eyes when you hug them and, assuming that you weren't just squeezing them too hard, that's a sure sign that they really needed that hug. (Now, obviously there are people that you wouldn't feel comfortable hugging, and that's fine. You should never hug anyone that you feel creeped out by, and probably you would only want to hug your friends and family anyways.)

4. Write a note or send an e-card to someone telling them that you are glad that you are friends (or sisters, or cousins, or whatever), and say something that you specifically like about them. (i.e. "Dear Martha, I am so glad that we are friends. Your patience with the little children really challenges and encourages me to be more patient. Thank you so much for your example! Love, Joy" ~ of course you're supposed to insert your friend's name and your name in the place of "Martha" and Joy! ~)

5. Listen to them. Simply listening can make a huge difference to someone and be very encouraging.

6. Tell someone something that you like about them ("I love the way you reply to letters so quickly").

7. Encourage them in the area that they really need it. This can be a little more tricky because, unless they have specifically confided in you, they might feel as though you are picking on them instead of encouraging them. Even if they have confided in you, sometimes this idea backfires and they get upset so use at your own discretion.

When you are a wife, you will be your husband's main encourager and 'cheerleader' (can anyone think of a better word than 'cheerleader'?), so if you can practice encouraging and cheering on your family, friends, ect. now, you will have a head start on knowing how to do it when you get married.
There are many ways that you can encourage people, and some of them are as simple as doing the job your Mom asked you to the FIRST time she asks. Use your imagination and encourage people in your everyday life. (On a side note, did you know that simply living a Christian life can encourage others?)

PTGW Part Five: Learn to be a Friend

To Mr. D Hamlin: Thank you for your comment. My father would be very happy to help if he can. Please e-mail him at nhpatterson (at) charter (dot) net.
Thanks! :-)

Everyone wants to have at least one friend that truly understands and loves them, don't they? But, for the most part, friends don't last forever. You may always like each other, but eventually you will get to a point when you actually have to 'catch up' with each other. That is why, in addition to having friends, you should invest in the friendships that you have in your family. And why you should marry someone who is a friend and knows how to be a friend. (And of course, you will want to be a friend to who ever you marry, hence the reason for this post.)
Simply interacting with people does not make you a friend. I have many acquaintances, but only a few friends.

Proverbs 18:24 says this, "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Obviously, Jesus is the ultimate example of a Friend. Let's look at some scripture verses about friends and relationships.
If we can put even one of these verses into practice we will be able to be a Godly friend.

1. Of course, one of my favorite verses is Matthew 22:36-40 “ 'Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?' ” Jesus said to him, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Have you ever noticed how we can be so polite and kind to strangers, but so rude and nasty to our family and loved ones? If we just put this one thing, "love your neighbor as yourself", into practice we will be able to be a good friend.
Something that I would like to point out is that the first commandment Jesus mentions is "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind". If our life is not centered on pleasing God, and if our friendships are not based on Jesus Christ, than we are going to fail in our attempts to be a friend.

2. John 15:12-14 says, "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you."
Jesus has commanded us to love one another as He loved us. While I may be willing to die for my friends, am I willing to lay down my selfish desires? Am I willing to give up my way? Will I stop in the middle of a project to change a diaper or feed my family?

3. In Psalm 15, David asks the question "LORD, who may abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?" Do you know what one of the answers was? "He who does not backbite with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend."
Backbiting, or gossiping, is a sin. Did you know that? "Nor does he take up a reproach against his friend." In other words, don't take offense. We need to remember to be "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:19a-20). Because friends, family members, and strangers, are all going to hurt us sometimes. If we take a moment and calm ourselves before we say anything, it will make a huge difference in our relationships.

4. Philippians 2:14-15 says this, "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world".
If we can stop ourselves from saying all of the bad things that we can think of, or even stop that little sigh when Mom asks us to wash some dishes, it will help us to be "blameless and harmless, children of God".

5. 1 Thessalonians 5:11a tells us, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up". No one wants to be friends with someone who is always being discouraging or complaining, but simply not complaining isn't enough. We need to ENCOURAGE one another!

6. Pray for your friends. If you see something in their life that is not honoring to God, pray about it. When you get married someday, your husband will not want you to be coming to him all the time with a righteous look on your face saying "Darling, I really don't think that it is honoring to God that you watch sports on Sunday night". No. Change yourself first. And pray that God would show your husband (or father, it's good practice for the day you do have a husband) if it truly is sinful to watch TV on the Lord's Day, because you might be mistaken.
Of course, if he was doing something that was really sinful, like murdering people, you would have to call the police and turn him in.

7. Do not expect your friends to fulfill your needs. Even when you are in a marriage relationship you will sometimes feel lonely. It is important that you not become dependent on a person for your spiritual and emotional needs. If you do, you will become disappointed and bitter.

8. Reading your Bible every day will help you to keep your whole life and all of your relationships pleasing to God (You don't have to get up at 5:00 AM to read your Bible, and it doesn't have to be for an hour, do what you can and you will find that even a little bit can bless you and the people around you).


Now, none of the things that I have mentioned can be done in your own strength. You need to pray that God would work them in you, and maybe ask your parents or prayer partner to pray for you as well. But that doesn't mean that you should not work at it, pray for God's help and then try but don't get discouraged when you fail, just try again.

I would suggest going over the verses I have mentioned and reading them in context, or looking up verses that apply to relationships yourself. (I love to read through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation... there is such a wealth of wisdom in every book about relationships.)And when you have read what the Bible says about relationships, I challenge you to do make a list of the qualities that a godly friend would have. Then set out to become that friend. (This can help you to put the principles into practice.)

Miss Amanda writes a column for Growing in Grace Magazine about Friends... make sure to check it out.

PTGW Part Three B: Brothers

Yes, the last post was on brothers in Christ, and this one is on brothers. Of course, provided that your brother is a Christian too, he is not only your biological brother, he is your brother in Christ just like any other man. But as his biological sister (and as you live in the same household with him), you should know that you can 'make or break' your brother. And you should be careful because the way you treat your brother is often the way that you will treat your future husband (at least, judging from my observations of married couples that seems to be the case).
The "Golden Rule" (Matthew 7:12) is an excellent place to begin for any relationship. You don't want your siblings to be rude to you, do you? Or call you names? Or laugh at you? Or take your things? Or order you around? Well then, start with not doing that to them.
Here are a few particular things that we need to make sure to avoid as sisters.

1. Never call him a sissy or a girly-boy or anything like that. In most cases boys will let you know that it hurts them (i.e. they will yell at you or stomp off), but some boys simply laugh it off or just get a little red and shrug (especially if there is company present). Even if they don't react, this is a very serious thing that will and does hurt them. You don't want your brother to grow up to be a great big over-grown boy, do you? You want him to grow up to be a real man (at least I hope you do). Well, start off by not treating him like a sissy.

2. Don't laugh or scoff at his plans. Even if they involve making a real boat out of tin foil and hoping that it will float with him in it next year.


3. Let your parents be the 'bad guys'. Unless you are the one in charge, or your brother is seriously endangering himself or another person, let your parents tell him to stop sticking his fingers in that tempting soft wax on the top of the candle. If you become 'motherly' about that, it's just bossing him because you aren't his mother. (And if your mother does not tell him to stop, leave the room if it really bothers you. *or you can whisper to your mom, just don't make it look like you are tattling because that builds resentment*) Remember: you are not the police. You are his sister, someone who is supposed to encourage, not discourage or boss.

4. If he starts to tell you that he is having a really hard day, don't tell him not to complain or role your eyes and tell him not to be a baby. He shouldn't complain, but I know that sometimes I need to get a little comfort if I am having a bad day and really feel rotten about myself and everyone else. Nothing makes a person feel less loved than when you won't listen to them.

5. Act respectfully to your brother (and everyone else in your family for that matter). Now I know that this is an odd thing to say or do, especially if your brother is younger than you (like mine is). If you don't know how to respect him, than start by simply treating him with the same courtesy you would show a stranger. If you had a guest over and they told you of this great idea they had, would you smirk and say how stupid it was? Well I hope not! And I sure hope that you wouldn't do that to your brother (or sister for that matter) either.

6. Try to think of something good about him. This might be a challenge at first. A couple of years ago, I was having a very hard time with my siblings and decided that I would make a list of 10 things that I liked about each of them (for me that was 3 lists of 10 since I have 3 siblings). It took me an extremely long time, but it was worth it and it helped me to see them as people and to focus on their good points. It doesn't have to be anything personal. The first thing I thought of for my brother was that he is good at building things, from Legos to tree houses. The next thing that came to mind was that when I was upset he would come and give me a hug (he was only 5 or 6 at the time, but he still does it even to this day). So wrack your mind and come up with something, at least 2 things, good about each of your siblings.

7. Pray for him... pray for all of your siblings, making sure to give thanks for something about them. This is what a sister is for!

Well, that is just the beginning, but I hope that it made sense and was helpful. :-) As always, if you have any other tips just leave them in the comment section (and remember to read in the comments to see any tips left by other girls).

Oh yes, and by the way, Hannah L. brought up a very important point that I forgot...

8. Allow your brother to open doors or carry things for you... My relationship with my brother improved dramatically when I started appreciating his efforts to help in that way. It is interesting to me how cut down he felt when I would just jump out of the car and run to the door instead of waiting for him to get me an umbrella.

PTGW Part Three A: Brothers in Christ

How you treat your brothers in Christ is important, whether you are married or not. Right now I want to just focus on friendships with guys.
Being friends with guys can help you to see them less as a potential husband and more as a person. At least, for a while. Then suddenly the attention that you get as his friend starts making you think that maybe you just might be just a little bit more than a friend to him. You start to want a closer friendship and when it gets closer (as it almost always does), you can't seem to stop thinking about it. You think about him all the time, wondering if he notices you. Suddenly you have a full fledged crush on your hands (yes, I know all about it, I had this happen when I was twelve). (I wrote a post about crushes if you are interested in reading it.)
But it is possible to have a casually friendly friendship with a boy without getting a serious crush on him (and, yes, I know from experience that this is possible). However, it does take some self discipline. Here are a few rules that I came up with for myself, some of them are based on my own experience, and some on the experiences of my (female) friends.

1. Never let the friendship get beyond a casual acquaintance. No telling secrets, and no making him your best friend.

2. No letting him tell you secrets. If he begins to do that, the red light should go on and you should kindly stop him. (Sometimes you can say something like "Thank you for your confidence, but I have a very open relationship with my parents, so please do not tell me anything that you do not want them to know." or if it is in an e-mail, you can remind him that your little sister reads your e-mails and so if he does not want her to know something he shouldn't tell you.)

3. Do not ever sit next to him and look into his eyes... this just doesn't do either of you any favors.

4. If you are upset about something or are insecure about something, do not tell him. Go to your parents instead.

5. If you aren't sure if you should say something, imagine telling your boy cousins... (Of course, most of the time, if you aren't sure that you should say something it means that you definitely shouldn't.)

6. Do not ever 'day dream'. No thinking about what your children would look like if he were their father (green eyes, blue eyes, brown eyes), no imagining yourself in danger and then imagining him coming and rescuing you (this one is important, a lot of young ladies have perfectly innocent friendships that suddenly turn romantic when they pretend that they were rescued or whatever). If you find yourself day dreaming get up and start doing some math, really hard math (No sewing or knitting, it is too uninteresting). ;-)

7. Even if your family is the huggy type, no hugging every week. Quick 'side hugs' are ok if it's someone's birthday. (But now that I think of it, the only hugs I give out are to my relatives, young ladies that I am friends with, and people that I only see once a year.)

8. Never fish for compliments by asking how you look or saying that you think you are ugly (that should go without saying, but I think that it is important to be reminded of).
With all of these rules you might wonder if it is even worth while to try being friends with boys at all. It is definitely worth it, and if you kind of are friends with the whole family and not just one person it makes everything a lot easier.
By now you might be wondering why this is important for preparing to be a good wife. If you are going to be a good wife shouldn't you be friends with boys? I mean, after all, how are they going to know if they like you if you aren't (close) friends with them?
Of course it is good to be (casual) friends with boys (especially in a family setting), and in some cases guys do decide to marry someone in their circle of friends at church. But this is where trusting God comes in. If God wants you to marry someone, it will happen. YOU CAN NEVER MARRY THE WRONG PERSON!!! You might end up with the right person after having done things the wrong way, but never the wrong person. And guess what? It isn't up to you to get emotionally close to boys just to see if they are the right one; that is a dating mentality.
You need to protect your purity, not just physical, but emotional and mental as well. If you have to compromise your emotional purity to 'get the guy', he's not worth it. You want someone that will be thankful that you are committed to keeping yourself pure, not someone that just wants to get the short term enjoyment of emotional closeness.
Also, if you get in the habit of getting close to one boy, and then growing apart and getting close to another boy and then growing apart (even if you have been friends for several years), it is not going to change after you get married. Oh sure, you will be close to your husband for a while, but then you will go through a time of disillusionment and suddenly you will see someone that understands you and if you aren't careful you could end up having an emotional affair with someone.

Now, some ways that you can tell if your friendship is getting too close. (Obviously I am not a guy, so I don't know exactly what these things would mean to a guy, but I do know that in a friendship they are a bad sign.)

1. If he starts telling you secrets (I know I already said this, but it bears saying again), you are getting too close.

2. If he wants to give you a hug every time you say goodbye, your friendship is too close.


3. If he starts e-mailing you every day or wanting to talk to you on the phone (phone is a big no-no... It's too easy to get close when you don't have to look at the person)


Ok, I'm sure that there are more but my mind is going blank. Now I'm going to give you a list of things that are fine in most cases.

1. Chatting (not online), or rather light hearted conversation is fine. Debating points is fine as long as it doesn't get personal.

2. E-mailing, now some families have different rules, but for me I decided that e-mails are alright as long as they're not every day and they're not too personal.

3. Being interested in what the other person is talking about (this is just common politeness as long as you're not hanging on every word).

4. Enjoying physical activities, such as freeze tag with the two families, can be fine. (But no playing "Sardines" or "Telephone Booth".) ;-)


Miss Jocelyn had a letter in her weekly section that said this.
"Dear Jocelyn,

I have a best friend who is a guy. He really likes to talk to me and is
very open with me, treats me really nice too. I’m glad that I can be a good
friend to him and encourage him in his walk with the Lord. The hard part is
knowing if the Lord will eventually make us more than “just friends.” I
know it’s all up to God and his timing but I wonder sometimes. Is this “the
one” or is there someone else? I know the best thing is just be a true friend to him but sometimes it’s hard!

He will be leaving soon to go to a cooking academy in South Africa and I’m
trying to act like that’s fine but inside I don’t want him to leave. What
do you think I should do? I know praying but anything else that might help?

Please keep me in your prayers"

Now, obviously, there is nothing wrong with this young lady. She is simply caught in the dilemma that faces every young lady that has a nice guy friend that treats her kindly and wants to talk to her. However, there are a few red flags that I saw in this letter and I'm going to show you a few of them...

1. "A best friend", you should never have a best friend that is a guy

2. "He really likes to talk to me and is very open with me". There is nothing wrong with talking, but being 'very open' doesn't sound good.

3. "I'm glad that I can be a good friend to him and encourage him in his walk with the Lord", yes it is good to encourage each other, but this should not be her job. This is for his parents and guy friends to do for him. This leads to too much closeness

4. "Is this 'the one' or is there someone else? I know the best thing is just be a true friend to him but sometimes it’s hard!" Don't try to be a true friend if you are wondering if he is one or is there someone else. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't be friends, but a 'true friend' implies too much closeness. Back of a little on the friendship if it is getting too close.

5. "He will be leaving soon to go to a cooking academy in South Africa and I’m trying to act like that’s fine but inside I don’t want him to leave." This is perfectly normal; everyone hates it when people go away. But be careful that you don't start obsessing about him going away and making it up in your head that if he does go away you will never get married to him. (Well, maybe you won't, but that might mean that it is part of God's plan to take away your dependence on this boy and move it to God.)

The thing that I think is the most difficult for us is to depend on God instead of on man (literally). As women we want to be rescued, we want to be close to a man, we want him to desire us, we want his attention. And if we are not careful, we can end up in the position of never being able to be content where we are because we are always longing for something that we don't have. But I want to tell you something very important. No man on earth can fill that hole in our hearts. Oh sure, we might think that it is gone for a while, but after a little while suddenly it'll pop up again and we'll have to face the fact that this man is not a savior.
But if we can learn to allow God to fill that ache in our hearts, than when He does give us a husband we won't be devastated and think that we've married the wrong man if he can't fill that gap sometimes.

Hmm, I think that's about all I have to say for now. This was quite a long post, I hope it was clear!

Now, I want you to pray about your friendships with guys, and ask God if they are honoring to him, and if they're not then just back off a notch or two and bring it down to a more casual level. Also, look around at your friends (not to judge them) and pray for them and their friendships.

And lastly, pray that God would help you to be dependent on him and not on anyone else.

I hope that this was helpful, I'm always interested in what thoughts you have, so leave comments! :-) (And don't forget to check the comment section; often others will bring up very helpful and important points that I have forgotten.)

Part One A: Learn to Listen

There are two types of listening that I will talk about, the first one is basically giving someone your attention, and the second has to to with being teachable.

Have you ever noticed how everyone wants to be listened to at one time or another? When someone is upset, often the best thing to do is to just sit down and listen to them (at least, that seems to work really well in our family).
In fact, if someone doesn't get listened to enough, it will cause them to feel anxious and depressed.
For a man, the best thing is to have a wife that really listens to him and vice versa. For a child, the best thing is to have their parents listen to them. And no one wants a friend that won't listen to them.
You never know who you have blessed just by listening to them (or who you may be able to bless by listening to them).
If you're naturally a more talkative person this may come a little harder for you, but it's worth while.
Of course, the best place to practice this is at home, since most of us older siblings have multiple opportunities to listen in the course of a day. We can't listen intently to every interruption because we'd never get any work done, but learn to pick and choose. The most important time to listen is when someone is having a hard day.
This will not only prepare you to be a good wife, it will help you be a good mother as well.
Here are a few ideas to help you learn to listen.

1. Make eye contact. When someone starts talking to you, turn around or put down your book and make eye contact. If you are doing something active, like making supper, you won't be able to look at them the whole time, but if you make eye contact every few minutes it will reassure the person that you are listening to them.

2. Listen to one person a day. Pick one person in your family (preferably a sibling) and choose a time of day that is less hectic than other times, go and find them and ask them how they're doing, how their day went etc. And don't listen to the first sentence and then start telling them how you're doing. This is your time to LISTEN.

3. If you are in the middle of school work, just stop what you are doing for about ten seconds and look at the person. After a little while say something like, "Hey, you know what? I have to finish my school work. But thanks for coming in and saying hi! Maybe you can tell me about your Legos later!" (Of course, I sometimes announce that I will be working hard on something for an hour and cannot be interrupted. That way if someone comes in you can just say "Tell me about it later, ok?" or make sure that your door is locked... Note: This rarely keeps interruptions from happening.)

4. If someone is having a crisis and they come to you, don't ask them to tell you about it later. Take 10 minutes and listen to them.

5. If your brother tells you about how excited he is about a new tree house that he's going to build, don't tell him all the reasons why it won't work. Instead listen and be excited with him. If it doesn't work, he'll find out for himself. (From what I hear, this is especially important when you are a wife... so practice now!)

6. People will be able to tell when you are not really listening. You know how exasperating and slightly embarressing it is when you are talking to someone and they get a glazed over look in their eyes as they look out the window while they nod and say "Uh huh, mmm, how interesting"? Don't do that to others!

7. If someone asks your advice, make sure that you know what you are giving advice about. That goes for giving your opinion as well. Remember Proverbs 18:13 "He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him."

8. Ask your Dad how work went today and really listen to his answer. When you get married your husband will want to talk about work with you so you should start learning to listen to work related talk now. :-)

So start listening to your siblings now! You might be surprised at what you didn't know about the members of your family.
Good listening skills are key to being a good wife, but they are also key in every other relationship you will ever have.

Shyness

Yes, today I'm going to talk about being 'shy'. I have noticed a disturbing trend among girls in their early to mid teens where they are either extremely bold, or they are painfully shy.
Before I begin I would like to say that I'm not talking about people who are naturally more quiet or more loud. It is only when a personality trait becomes rude that it is a problem.
Right now I'm going to be focusing on the 'Shy Trend' because that seems to be much more prevalent among Homeschoolers. There seems to be an idea that some people have that you have to be very quiet and shy in order to be a Christian. That obviously isn't true because when you read (anywhere in the New Testament) about Jesus, He wasn't shy at all. And He is the One that we are to be like as Christians.
There is nothing wrong with not being boisterous, but there's a big difference between being friendly and being boisterous.
Ok, first I'm going to give a little example of what shyness can look like...

Let's say that you go to church and you notice that there is a new family there with a girl about your age or younger that is standing by herself off to the side. You feel a little hesitant but you make the effort and walk over, give a friendly smile and say hi. Her face gets slightly red, but she gives a little smile and a very quiet hello before turning her head to look at the rest of the people. You feel a bit awkward, almost as if you're not welcome, but ask where she's from, and did she have to travel far to get here? After only getting a short sentence in reply you start to turn red yourself as you ask how many siblings she has, does she have any pets, does she like hiking etc. After carrying on a conversation by yourself for a couple of minutes you suffer through a long uncomfortable silence and then finally excuse yourself.

Has that ever happened to you? If it hasn't, let me tell you it's very very difficult to carry on a conversation when the other person only gives a curt one-syllable answer to any questions you are able to come up with.

Or maybe you would be the one standing quietly off in a corner feeling very out of place and awkward. If that would be the case, I have a couple of ideas of how to help you to 'come out of yourself' a little more so that anyone trying to be friendly doesn't feel rebuffed. :-)

1. Smile... a nice friendly smile can work wonders when you can't think of anything to say

2. Talk to your Mom and ask her to help you practice questions to ask and subjects to talk about. (A little tip here: if you can get someone to start talking about themselves you've won half the battle and will probably just have to listen for a while.)

3. Practice on safe people, say a friend that you know but you don't see very often, or even your Grandma or cousin. Practice makes a big difference in being a good conversationalist.

4. Stop thinking so much about what others think of you. If you are able to concentrate on being friendly instead of worrying why this or that person is looking at you, it will not only help you to win friends, it will help you to enjoy your life more. I know that it's no fun going around worrying what everyone thinks of you.

5. Branch out. Next time you are in company, look around and see if there is anyone that looks as shy as you feel and try to make them feel at home.

6. If you have invited someone to your home or to do something with you, make sure that you are willing to make an effort to talk to them because otherwise they will just feel like they are intruding. (My sister is really good at talking to people so sometimes I'll make sure that she's around if I can't think of something to say)


And if you are the person who is trying to be friendly to a shy person here are a few tips.

1. Always have a subject that you can chat about basically by yourself (i.e. your cat, what you have in your garden...) that way if you go up and talk to someone you can actually talk for a few minutes without feeling too out of place.

2. Sometimes shy people don't want to talk for a long time, but a friendly smile and "Welcome!" will make them feel more at ease and cared for. If you try to talk for too long they will be able to tell that it is a strain on you and they will just draw back into themselves more.

3. Don't take it personally if they don't respond right away. Sometimes a good way to get people to open up at a church dinner or something is to invite them to sit next to you. Sometimes people feel more at ease after they sit with you for a while. (Besides, when you're eating you don't have to talk as much)

4. Sometimes inviting the shy person to come stand with you in a little group (after introducing them to your friends) is a good idea because then you can just listen to everyone else talk. (In cases like this I usually invite my sister to come join us because she is really good at drawing people out of themselves.)

5. You never know how or when you can bless someone by being interested in them even if they don't appear to respond right away. I remember when I was younger and very shy I used to feel really happy when someone would just come up and say hi even if they didn't stay and chat.


Now, to all of the shy people out there... Go slow. Pray about it. It can be really hard to change the way you do things, but it is totally worth it! If you can learn to enjoy being in company not think about yourself it will really help. :-)

Does anyone that either is shy now or used to be shy have any other suggestions or tips?